One of my goals is trying to be present in every single moment of my life. One of my favorites book is by the brilliant spiritual teacher Mr. Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now. This book talks about the beauty of constantly being present in “the now.” I often practice this powerful tool every time I meet a new client or a potential new business situation.
For me, being in “the now” is gauging all the different types of feelings that come up at that moment. In these series of blog posts, I’ll try to describe, in a humorous way, what goes on in my head during various moments in meetings with my clients.
I’ll call this client Mrs Smith:
As soon as they walk in, I think, oh my god these women are gorgeous.
Mrs. Smith and Daughter: Good morning Mr. Bailey. I’ve heard so much about you. This is my daughter Jane Smith.
Me: (Thinking, “Wow, look at those outfits.”) Mrs. Smith, great to meet you both.
Fall colors in a spring wedding
Mrs. Smith: My daughter is getting married in the fall and I am trying to convince her to do it in the the spring.
Me: (I get it, she wants me to help her convince her daughter) Well, both times of the year are great for a wedding.
Daughter speaking for the first time: I happen to like the wonderful fall colors.
Winter colors in a summer wedding
Me: (Oh my DOUBLE GOD, LOOK AT THAT EXQUISITE RING. How does her tiny finger hold up that huge rock?) Well, at times, it’s kind of fun to use fall colors in the spring and spring colors in the fall.
Mother: (She looks at me as if I just asked her to spill red paint all over her Louis Vuitton bags) Mr. Bailey, in our community, that is simply not done.
Daughter: (Showing great excitement for the first time) Mom, this is my wedding and I can have any colors I want.
Winter colors in a spring wedding
Me: (You tell her girl!) Mrs. Smith, the wonderful part about weddings today is that you can use any colors you like at any time. Of course, my job is to make it work.
Mrs. Smith: (She is still not happy with this answer but has decided to move forward) Thanks Mr. Bailey, let’s see what you can do.
QUESTION: Are you a bride who’s ever disagreed with your mom on what you should and shouldn’t do for your wedding? How did you handle it?
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George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
Rosalba Fasan-Buffat
March 10, 2010
I have found this a few times during consultations. I think it is very important to make sure the mother and daughter are happy and not just the daughter-when mom goes home unhappy they tend to be able to change the daughter’s mind (maybe by arguing or “reminding them who is paying” for everything. I try to get both involved and excited by incorporating both idea and it makes for a much more enjoyable and productive meeting.
Thanks Preston!
Georgianne Vinicombe
March 11, 2010
Oh my goodness, that was very funny. I laugh when I read this but as a floral designer, I do sometimes get a bit upset seeing the back and forth power struggles between mothers and daughters. My thought is that as long as the mother’s budget is not exceeded, it’s my job to interpret what the daughter’s vision is. I’ve even been known to tell a mother that my goal is to make the bride cry with joy when she first lays eyes on her flowers and I want the mother to cry when she sees how happy her daughter is!
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Marianne Hanna
May 3, 2011
First of all, thank you for sharing stories like these..here in the middle east we use high tables for the young people & round ones for the older ones. I so let the mother choose the centerpieces of the round tables, conving the girl that it’s their side and they are the ones who will be sitting there all the time while silently watching out the mother would choose sth out of style or theme of the wedding. The bridal area is then the bride’s choice..after both have been assured that I am on both sides they get convinced with more or less what is that I suggest…it’s a little trick but it works almost everytime..
{ailish}
May 27, 2011
its very difficult trying find a compromise between what the brides want & what the parents want isn’t it??? i find this alot with our clients coming from the states
Vanessa Alce
September 15, 2011
I ran into a similar situation while wedding dress shopping with a client, and her mother. The bride has never been to a wedding, and did not care for the veil (until I showed her the whole look). Her mother kept insisting that a bride MUST wear a veil. I explained to the bride and her mom that a veil is not always mandatory, and really depends on how traditional she chooses to be. Once the bride tried on the entire look, she decided having a veil was best for her. Of course, her mom was very happy!
Yvonne Szikla
October 4, 2011
It’s not just weddings but other types of events as well that require diplomacy, finesse and patience! I am grateful for my background in psychology that helps navigating sticky situations!
Thanks for thoughts on how to handle different situations!!