I’ve been obsessing about marriage vows mainly because, in the very near future, I’ll be announcing the date for my own upcoming wedding. (This is after a very long engagement.) One of the reasons I waited so long is that I wanted to be sure about the promise of being with my partner “until death do us part.” That is one very scary statement–one I am planning to take very seriously.
My mom on her wedding day
My parents (both deceased) were together their whole lives. They both seemed extremely happy. I cannot imagine my father, after proposing to my mother, asking her to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. However, both were very poor at the time. I have seen several engagements broken off because of this issue. At times, my clients have asked for my advice on how to deal with this very delicate issue.
For me, it’s very simple: everything I own is ours. There is nothing I own that means so much to me that I am not willing to give or share it with my partner and best friend now or ever. All material things can be replaced. I have been in other “marriages” before and when they ended, no matter how hurt or angry I was, I simply gave them anything they wanted and moved on. (Of course I have never owned a billion dollars or anything close). Like I said, this is a very delicate issue and I’d love to hear your comments…
What are your thoughts on pre-nuptial agreements? Would you ask you new spouse or partner to sign one? (Boy, I hope my partner doesn’t ask me to sign one…)
George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
Crystal Adair-Benning
April 12, 2010
First – Congratulations Preston! It’s a big step for any (& every) couple and I wish more people took the time and thought that you clearly have into the decision.
It’s a very tough topic – prenups – but there is validity in them if there is financial wealth, business involvements, and the like. Personally, I don’t advise my clients anything other than to consider their own personal situations and get the advice of a qualified lawyer to see IF this is the right option for them.
Personally, I’m of the mind that whatever I have is ours. If we share our lives we share our wealth, our homes, our families, our lives. When I put in longer hours in the office to make sure we pay the bills, you too have a “cost” involved be it less time together or anything else. As partners, we’re intertwined. I undertstand the legal reasons but at the end of the day if you choose to marry someone wholeheartedly… isn’t the sharing of yourself all part of that?
Either way… whatever the couple decides, the hopeless romantic in me always hopes that this couple (& every couple) make it work for a lifetime.
Nicole Mulvany (RSVP Shindig)
April 12, 2010
When you sign a prenup going into a marriage then you already are saying you know it’s not going to work, that you don’t trust the person you are marrying or they don’t trust you. I don’t believe in them and I have found that out of say 100 clients that have signed them at least half of them are now finished. Some didn’t even make it a year after the wedding. Which is sad.
joana tomova
April 12, 2010
Congratulations Preston! I can’t wait to see how are you gonna decorate YOUR wedding, this is going to be something incrediblle I’m sure!
About pre-nuptial agreements. For me, absolutlly NO. But meaby I’m too romantic to see the practical side of this thing.
When two people decide to get married, because of love, I don’t think that they are willing to sign a “contract”.
Ari
April 12, 2010
Happy to hear you soon will tie the knot.It’s good to read your views on prenups.
I don’t agree with same totally. My view on marriage is to share what you do have giving of your best. Prenup is contract signing.
You married someone for better for worst until death do part.
MAI NGUYEN
April 12, 2010
Congratulations Preston! I look forward to seeing how you will decorate and plan your wedding. Please be sure to share photos of your floral designs.
Pre-nups are a no-no for me. I married my husband for richer or poorer (what’s mine is his and vice versa), until death parts us. Can’t put a price on love and marriage.
Mindy
April 12, 2010
I would never ask someone to sign a pre nup! I agree what’s mine is yours! I wish more people approched marriage with the same thought as you have! Your partner must feel so lucky to know how sure you are!! Congrats and have fun planning!!!
MELISSA
April 12, 2010
WELL, AT 23 I SIGNED A PRE-NUP AND 18 YEARS LATER MY HUSBAND DID NOT GO BY THE PRE-NUP..
WE SPLIT EVERYTHING DOWN THE MIDDLE…
SO, EVEN WHEN YOU SIGN ONE IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT WILL BE HELD UP..
I THINK WHEN ONE IS COMING WITH NOTHING AND THE OTHER HAS A GREAT DEAL THEN YES A PRE-NUP IS IMPORTANT….
ONE CAN ALWAYS SAY WHAT ONE WANT’S IN THE END AFTER A CERTAIN NUMBER OF YEARS, USALLY AT LEAST 10… IF IT DOES NOT WORK OUT…
I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS MEANS THAT YOU DO NOT TRUST THE OTHER PERSON….
I AM ENGAGED NOW IN MY 40′S WITH A MAN THAT HAS THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY AND ASSETS AS I DO AND WE BOTH WILL SIGN AN AGREEMENT…
PRESTON IF YOU HAVE A MILLION OR MORE DOLLARS I WOULD RETHINK THIS???
XXOO
MELISSA
Thuong Tran
April 12, 2010
First of all, congratulations! I can’t wait to see your celebration, after all the celebrations you’ve created for so many people.
Regarding Pre-nup, from a personal perspective, I would say I prefer not to sign; simply because of all the reasons everyone has mentioned here. But from a professional perspective, I think pre-nup would be possibly necessary. I’ve seen people who own big business showing concerned about if they bankrupt – they would not want the court to take away not only their properties but also their wives/their kids’ property. So sometimes, having a pre-nup doesn’t mean that you do not trust your partner – but it’s to protect the future of your family in the worst case.
IMHO, that really depends on your situation, if you do business in a very competitive, high-risk environment, probably having a pre-nup is a good idea.
Anyway, please keep us updated about your celebration
MELISSA
April 12, 2010
BY THE WAY I WAS SURE THAT IT WAS FOR LIFE ALSO…..
20 YEARS TOGETHER BUT NOW I AM SO HAPPY WE ARE NOT TOGETHER ANY MORE AND THIS IS SAID, EVEN WITH PAIN STILL AROUND THE DIVORCE 5 YEARS LATER… I HELPED IT GO DOWN.. HE LEFT EVERY MORNING AT AM AND RETURNED AT 7PM AND IN BED BY 9PM… HE HAD A 2 HOUR DRIVE IN THE AM AND PM.. ALL SO WE COULD HAVE A 30 ACRE FARM AND GET MORE FOR OUR MONEY… I WAS A STAY AT HOME MOTHER AND GARDENED… SO, I ALWAYS WAS WILLING TO JUST KEEP TRYING AND THEN IN THE END HE WAS NOT…
XXXOO
M
Paola Perdomo
April 13, 2010
Dear Preston,
Congratulations for your good decision!!, If you want to get married in Mexico, don’t forget to call us, we will be glad to help you!!, Here in Mexico we don’t have pre-nup agreements!!!
Besos!!
Your Friend prom Mexico
Paola Perdomo
Cindy Sue
April 13, 2010
Marriage is a union. If one has such doubts, then it clouds every aspect of the relationship and you could not ‘give’ yourself wholly.
On a happier note:
CONGRATULATIONS PRESTON , TO YOU BOTH! MAY YOU BOTH LIVE LONG AND VERY HAPPY LIVES TOGETHER!
Janet
April 13, 2010
Congratulations Preston!
Plan it, organize it, but please have a coordinator on your day, so you can enjoy it! Always there to lend a hand — just call me!
Janet
April 13, 2010
P.S. Your mom was a stunning bride!
Khaliyah Barakhyahu
April 13, 2010
Congratulations Preston and to the future Mrs. Bailey! I definitely agree that a Pre-nuptial Agreement does not start the marriage out with the confidence and in faith that it will last. I say no pre-nuptial agreement. I pray you have a blessed marriage! If I can be of any help, please let me know.
Sincerely,
Khaliyah Barakhyahu
Heavenly Haven Productions
marcy blum
April 14, 2010
Although I never comment on your blog (I prefer just picking up the phone), this one really got to me, all these years of friendship and i had never seen a photo of your incredibly elegant mother-so beautiful. The truth is my dear, that your generosity extends to many others not just your partner, it’s the way you are built and I am a grateful recipient of it-a pre-nuptial agreement to you would be such an anathema, it would be like asking you to damn the marriage from the beginning and we know THAT”S not an option..
Meanwhile, I’m out shopping for a fabulous bridesmaid dress because I’m really worried that you and Theo are going to show me up big time!!
xoxoxox
Danielle - A Special Occasion, LLC
April 17, 2010
I have never been a fan of pre-nups. To me it’s like you are saying ‘when I decide I’ve had enough of you I can leave and take all my things with me’. It’s like putting the option of separation in the forefront and no faith it will last. If I am blessed to have tons of financial zeros behind my name, I’m not sure if I would want one in that case either. You never really know until you’re in that situation I guess.
Rain
May 4, 2010
A Pre-Nuptual Agreement unfortunately is what this world’s idea of what being fair has become. However, the REAL question is not what is nor isn’t fair, but does this agreement have a place with God? Based on that question, time is such a huge factor in the determination of whether someone can be trusted to be fair throughout your marriage. Not with the intent that,…in case this does not work out. You had invested in your partner prior to your decision to marry. Why? You wanted to make sure, but time also brings so many other important elements. God speaks to our hearts and we know who speaks to us and who doesn’t. If you have doubts about any aspect of days to come with a person, you should not get married. I don’t believe that people spend enough time getting to know each other. I’ve seen where people make their own idea of who a person is. However, if you were to ask a long-time friend to ask him/her key questions about the person, they have no clue who they really are. Time, Preston, heals all need for Pre-Nups!!!