Common Mistakes: Watching "Train Wreck" TV

June 24, 2010

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When did TV programming stop being about information and entertainment, and just become a bunch of crazy people with bad behavior?

If you are in the event industry, I have a question for you. How often have you actually encountered one of these bad behavior “bridezilla” type clients? More importantly, how often do you actually behave like a rude ass with them?

For me, the answer is: not often at all. I must be in another world. In my 30 years of being in business, I have only had to dismiss a client twice for questionable behavior. (I remember being really affected by those experiences.)

I take great offense when our industry is portrayed as this chaotic, frenetic environment full of folks with “the more issues the better” in the name of entertainment. They love exaggerating the ugly drama and show less and less of the beauty in what we do.

I also object to the constant need to compete to be “the best.” It seems to me that anyone who constantly seeks this outside acknowledgment to be deemed “the best” is already lost because he or she has forgotten the true satisfaction that comes from creating art or following a passion. My own belief is that these folks have strayed from what is important to them and needs to find their way back to what will make them happy.

I have been asked countless times to be a judge on some of these reality shows, and I have graciously turned them down for the same reasons. I prefer empowering folks to be their best, not put them down by sending the message, “you are not good enough.” I understand that we all want our 15 minutes of fame, and that these shows can provide great exposure for any artist just starting out, however, enough with the “train wreck” formula.

I wonder, what do you think about the “train wreck” reality shows? Of course there are some good ones (what can I say? I’m only human)–which show is your favorite?

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http://www.alphaprosperitymanagement.com Courtney Fontenot (Alpha Prosperity Events)

I don’t watch this stuff because it is all overly exaggerated and it sends the wrong message. I deal with the planning of weddings and events on a daily basis so I don’t need to watch it again on television.
http://whitelotuspro.com Brian

That’s entertainment!
Brenda

Preston thank you for your post! I was reflecting on this very issue just yesterday. It is interesting that during our lifetime we have been taught that only one is can be the best and fight to be that one…what better way to do that than by denigrating others in order to make ourselves better. We should absolutely be thriving from a place of strong internal worth that inspires us to be our best and lets what is good within us shine!
http://www.uncommoninvites.com Cherie Ronning (Uncommon Invites)

Preston:

Bravo!! Thank you for speaking out and reminding the world that wedding professional are in fact Professional.
We are not wacky crooks, we are very talented people who work darn hard trying to give our client – no matter what the budget or personality – the wedding of her dreams! We do NOT want to be the star of the wedding – that is the role for our client.

I do NOT believe it is entertainment. We need to show more about educating the Brides to make good decisions, and show those hard working Professional who accomplish successful weddings EVERY weekend across America.

Best ~ Cherie
http://www.dragonflyevent.com Thom Green

I don’t know about this Preston, David has got a lot more time then 15 minutes with his new show “My Fair Wedding”.
http://www.newberrybrothers.com Emily Tolve

I’ve been doing this for my whole life (off & on, of course), and I can count on one hand how many “Bridezillas” I’ve encountered. It’s the most asked question I get about the profession, too. That’s 30 years experience that I can count how many “nasty” clients I’ve had the pleasure of dealing with. Not once did I ever talk back to any of them, or not do my best to work with them to meet their wants & needs. That’s not customer service, and it’s definitely not who I am. THE CLIENT IS ALWAYS RIGHT, at least in my opinion.

The idea of trying to be the best is also very flawed. We’re all artists, artistic, creative people. Sure, there’s bound to be some personality clashes in this business, but I’ve also worked in the sports radio business, as well as at an internet company. In both of those fields, I felt the constant need to watch my back. In this business, I confer with other vendors who should be my “competitor”, and once a year, we all get together in Denver to hang out and enjoy ourselves, and our creativity.
http://www.dandylionevents.com Lindsey Huddleston

toxic!
http://www.weddingscostarica.com Larissa Banting

Hear, hear. Enough of the dramarama already. I’ve been approached to have a reality show follow us around (destination wedding planning in a developing country? It’s a wild ride, folks!)but declined. I don’t want my business and my client’s’ events under a microscope or edited to be filled with drama. It’s a disservice to everyone and the industry.
Unfortunately, nastiness/antics/crazies make for higher ratings than professionals going about their work without any hysteria.
http://www.PerspirationJournal.com Erwin

To think “that’s entertainment” should read the studies on how violence on TV influences behavior. Emotional violence is still violence.
http://www.goodlifeevents.net Aleah + Nick

Thank you for this refreshing post!

We’ve received countless press inquiries over the years asking us to turn over our “unruly clients” to a television show, or we’ve been asked to take part in shows like this ourselves. It unfortunately feeds into this terminology and stereotype – we’ve never had a “Bridezilla,” though over nearly 8 years have of course experienced some mood swings here and there. I suppose we’re very fortunate to work with clients who are excited about planning their weddings and spending the rest of their lives with their significant other. We’d love to see more shows that showcase the happiness that it planning your wedding!
Cheers!
Aleah + Nick Valley
The Good Life Special Events
http://marcyblum.com marcy blum

you are spot on (as usual) my friend!-the only people who benefit from this absurdly nasty version of “reality” are the advertisers who get tons of idiots to watch these horror shows. Anyone who has ever appeared on a “reality” show, knows there is no such thing-they are all scripted. Worse than that, as i’ve written about myself, the bridezilla concept is yet again, another way for our society to degrade women.
http://www.lebjv.com Jacqueline Vazquez

I totally agree. The reality shows have taken it’s toll on the industry. During client meetings you will hear about one wedding reality show or another. Thank you Preston for the blog.

Jacqueline
Lifetime Events by Jacqueline
http://www.bayuweddings.com Bayu Weddings

I’ve had REAL nice Clients and if anyone approaches me for a reality show, I’ll show them how respectful these Clients are .. in my little world, there is no “bridezilla” or “mother-of-bride” or anything. If there’s any, we tactfully nip them in their buds .. or simply turn down the project. Not choosy, but just to avoid the consequences, as when you are long enough in an industry, you’re able to “read” your potentials very well. Bravo Mr Baily for saying this out loud. Never liked reality shows anyway.
http://www.josedesigns.com Jose Graterol

I never have encountered a Bridezilla. I have had 1 Groomzillla in my career, though! The reality wedding shows do not portray the reality at all!!! In my business, I prefer to showcase the beauty which lies within my clients, in their own personal images, their minds and their dreams. It is the client’s energy which drives me to create the best wedding or event. I am not driven by the fame, the camera, or the dollar. It is my true passion and the true artist within me that propels me to design the best I can for my client.
The television wedding shows do not show the true beauty of this business. I was filmed for one sequence as the floral designer in a wedding show. There is never any “drama” in my events! The director and planner invented the problems. Then, they had the audacity to take a few of my ideas and call them their own. I know first-hand about these shows. They are full of negative energy. I prefer to promote the positivity and beauty in the industry.
kisha

I’ve attempted two shows – “My Fair Wedding” and “Bridezillas”. I enjoy “My Fair Wedding” with David Tutera and I’ll watch when time permits. I love the big reveal at the end of the show.

Bridezillas, not so much. I watched for 15 minutes and there was enough drama within that short time frame to last a lifetime. It’s more of a reflection of the “entertainment” business than the event industry. No service oriented business (except maybe a locked unit) consistently encounters these types of personalities and behavior.
http://www.enchanteddreamweddings.com Naomi

I never encountered a client that was that “off” their rocker. I cannot stand watching those ridiculously over the top shoes. I cannot tell you how many times people have asked me (after finding out what I do for a living) if I have ever met a “bridezilla”. Honestly, if I did meet as many as TV protrays we do, a lot of us would not be in the business. I love my job and I do not encounter the “drama” that TV has portrayed.

I am so glad you wrote this post. It is amazing that no one has addressed it prior to you.
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Dona Carmen Milagros

Reality shows are so unreal…
http://www.writeshot.com Natasha Chornesky

I won’t watch “train-wreck” wedding shows. My clients don’t like them and neither do I. These shows are a petri dish prepped to breed narcissism. I am embarrassed by them. They make our industry and clients look like a bunch of middle school kids, who are still trying to grasp the concept that their actions have consequences and that people have feelings.
http://www.cna-trainingclass.com/ cna training

Wow this is a great resource.. I’m enjoying it.. good article
http://www.talkingwithtami.com tami

I agree totally, I live here in Atlanta and we have a lot of crazies and with production co’s moving here left and right, they will have plenty to film lol.
https://www.google.com/profiles/114831294684955999998 chrisdanielssf

Good call, PB.
These shows cater to an ignorant audience that thinks conflict is entertaining….smooth and gracious must be something they’ve never experienced!
How far are these shows from the wrestling entertainment shows?
http:///www.societyweddings.com Janet

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY?I cannot count the amount of times I have received calls about a new show. I always ask about the title or name of the show and it’s usually something that I would not want my clients or myself associated with. Marcy hits the head of the nail on this one. Enough already! Weddings are supposed to be a beautiful time in our lives, not a mockery.
Society Weddings Event Planners
http://www.chezbloom.com Chezbloom

“These shows are a petri dish prepped to breed narcissism”-NATASHA CHORNESKY
Natasha, that is the BEST description of reality TV I have ever read!
http://YOURWEBSITE Keith Colquitt

I watched Jerry Springer a few times when it first went national, but soon tired of it. Once I decided that there was a possiblility that some of the people on the show weren’t actors, but real people who were foolish enough to show their train-wreck lives to all of America, I’d seen enough. I never watched Survivor, American Idol, or any of the unreality shows. I guess it all goes back to my disdain for the soap operas. I don’t watch any continuing dramas, whether they’re “real” or not.
http://www.brandnewdaydesigns.com Harold Abrams

Honestly, I’ve had a variety of customers. On one hand, gracious and creative team players willing to pay the price so to speak for quality service and products. On the other, I’ve also experienced what some may call a Bridezilla or Groomzilla. No matter who or what the situation (with one exception) I’ve always managed to make things work in the best interest of the customer and still walk away with my pride and not lose money in the process. I admit, I partake in a fair share or reality tv, but enjoy the more creative, learning type shows ie HGTV’s The Outdoor Room with Jamie Durie and Bang for Your Buck.
http://YOURWEBSITE veronica

I have a bridezilla right now and I am so upset about it. I didnt see it coming. There were NO symptoms. 2 months in – it all came out! Then I thought it was a one-time crazy moment. But no – its been non-stop and we are 6 months in. I AM SO UPSET ABOUT IT. She consumes me. She is verbally condescending and I literally feel chest-pains over her. I have the BEST clients and I am so consumed by her “emergency” approach to everything, her lack of trust in me, her mood swings, her entitlement factors, her ungratefulness, her assumptions about me, and her unpleasant way of emailing me; all of this is causing me to focus more on her than my other fabulous clients ALL BECAUSE SHE IS NON-STOP! So no, I dont think the client is always right. I work my butt off and have saved her so much money. And still – not good enough. I have an excellent portfolio and am 10 years in this business – and I am officially desperate to get rid of her but fear the bad reviews, the drama, the everything. But she is that bad. I will call a store up for her and they will say, “oh her”…. Im like – really? That bad? Yup. I have NO idea what to do and I am 6 months in with her. I dream of refunding her but my contract says nothing about me dropping her and THAT IS THE LESSON OF THE MONTH! Protect yourself if your client doesnt cooperate and brings all negative energy. Did I tell you that she yelled at me for staying inside her budget???? She did. She thinks I want to show her only cheap things…WHAT? Her budget is small and she spends BIG on every aspect of her wedding so she has to compromise somewhere… no way – instead, she gets pissed that I am showing her the options for her budget in order to stay within her budget. I talk to her like a sister at this point. I tell her that she is being rude with me. It’s that serious. And she hasnt dropped me and I dont ever ever have to talk like that. But she is so insulting and I learned from a close high-profile PR Agency friend of mine that one should never let the client “train” you…. and this girl has been doing just that…where I have jumped up and down and however high for her to make sure her drama settles down. I am so burnt from her nastiness that I wake up not wanting to plan her wedding and have no interest in making her wedding look good. And I am a wholehearted event planner…. but this is absurd and I have not figured out WHY she still has me around. I read a blog the other day that brideziilas use their planners as “punching bags”, they show that they are angry at them but need their planner so much that they keep him/her around…… WHAT IS THAT??? This is one of the most important days of their lives. Anyway – the TV is not what made this girl who she is… and I am so suffering over it. I have watched all of those shows and thought I was fully trained and prepared to recognize these horrible passion-sharks – No. I feel bad for anyone who takes a show that has to do with their career being eaten up by ugly characters. I am so against it as I just watch the quality of life dwindle and the stress increase. Who wants that? Preston – you are so good at your blog. Keep it comingggggggg!

Ugh – should I fire this girl? I dont want to ruin my good looking reviews…. although I think i am in a lose lose regardless…. I dont know. Thanks. I had to let this out somewhere…. I am in the trainwreck and cant wait for it to end.
http://www.chicagolightingdesign.com Len Woelfel

I don’t run into them, either. Some clients are marginally more difficult than others, but I’ve never had a real tantrum throwing bridezilla. I think some of their tantrums are created by having cameras around.
http://www.anyevent.org Teri

Bravo well Put! In fact I don’t even watch those STUPID shows!! The only show I watch is MFW & Tabietha Salon Makeover, She offer excellant business information!! (lol)!