In replacement of our To Do series, I’d like to start a new one called: Venting. Folks, let’s get it off our chests. What has been bothering you to the point that you can’t stop thinking about it, and it might even be affecting your work?
Here I go…How do you tell your family, “Don’t hold the date”? For the past few years I started a tradition for celebrating Thanksgiving and having my whole family over. In fact, part of that tradition was to also give everyone their first holiday present (the pictures in this post are those presents from years past).
This year, however, because of a prior business contract I need to fulfill, I had to make that dreaded call to tell them this year my Thanksgiving is not happening.
To say the least, they were not happy. I suggested that instead of Thanksgiving, I’d like to give a banquet for New Year’s Eve. However, more than a few of them already had plans.
It got me thinking about our business and the long hours and late nights required to be in our business. How do you folks with kids do it? How do you go about not disappointing your family and close friends? What would you have done in my position? HELPPPP.
PREVIOUS
George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
Kerstin
September 27, 2010
I find that it’s always a happy solution for all to celebrate the holiday the day before or the day after and just pretend it is the same day. Everyone still gets all the benefits of the holiday and sometimes less travel stress.
joana tomova
September 27, 2010
Preston, that’s the most difficult part of our job, how to keep our clients, but not dissapoint our family. I have a 3 year old dauther, and I spend every free minute with her. But sometimes happends, on a birthday or other holydays i have to change the day to celebrate it because of someone’s wedding or party. And the only thing that comes to my mind to tell U is, Change the date, the holyday is when U are with the people U love, not because someone looong time ago sad that on this date is this holyday!
Dawn
September 27, 2010
I agree with Joana. My family has just come to accept that the holiday is celebrated when we want to and not necessarily on the day it falls on. I always try very hard to make sure that my time off is just that: OFF! No phone calls, no answering emails, etc. Family and friend time is just that, no business allowed.
rebecca omansky
September 27, 2010
i always say “i miss my loved one’s weddings, birthday’s, and holidays because i am helping other people celebrate theirs!” i agree with the others though. growing up, my mom was a nurse and she didn’t always have holidays off. our family is used to thanksgiving on friday and christmas on the 27th!
Evegenia Poplett
September 27, 2010
Hi Preston,
Family and event industry- this is very difficult issue.
In this industry we do make a lot of sacrifices – weekends, holidays, personal parties. We get to work when people play and I am not sure how it is for others, but for me I hate it, until I start setting up. Then, everything falls away and the work becomes play and knowing that my role in the wedding/event is what will bring people joy is highly rewarding. The adrenaline, the pressure, the gratitude after the job well done – the rush is so powerful. A lot of people drop out because they cannot handle the commitment it requires.
I have 3 children and it takes a lot energy to keep everything going. But at the same time they keep me focused. They also know that there are many weekends that I cannot be there. I do make effort as much as I can. They know all about my work and I tell them as much as I can so they understand why I am away. I am very strict about birthdays of course. Luckily, I am married to the most incredible and supportive man, and my kids know that I love them even when I am not with them.
This is the first year since I started my wedding planning business that I am fully booked and have weddings after weddings until 30 December, then again from 7th Jan… and so it goes. My extended family are stating to pass comments about ‘finding the right balance” and “is it all worth it?” and “work is not everything” – I am sure you heard it all… Proverbial workaholics, we get type cast and often people assume the worst behind our reasons, without trying to understand where we are coming from.
If you take the emotional element out, the bottom line is that you will be working not gallivanting somewhere at the expense of family time. Success does require sacrifices and in our industry we do need ongoing support from our loved ones, their understanding and willingness to meet us half-way. This is our job after all, unlike majority of the people we work when major holidays are happening.
Good luck, hope it all works out.
Why don’t you ask another family member to plan the event – pass the torch? Maybe have a skype call during the festivities?
Tamara
September 27, 2010
My frustration is ensuring a day off is just that – a day off. I understand the necessity of needing to always be available to the client but with all the new technology ie texting, emails that go directly to you phones – clients seem to get quite upset if they do not get a respons instantly. How do offer quality comminication without being on call 24/7?
Camelia
September 27, 2010
Preston, play a game – instead of ThanksGIVING..have a ThanksGETTING day! This year they are Giving and you are Getting. Let your family pick a day (when you are available) and instead of you having all things done..let THEM do all the “work”. It might be fun to give your close one a preview of what your business is about and even see “through their eyes” (how they see this day, what they bring to the event). Let each one bring something into that ThanksGetting day. You might be surprised and inspired by them!
Don’t you think every once in a while..it would be nice for you to sit back, relax and be “the guest” ?!
I’m sure that if there is love and care, they will understand why Thanksgiving is not happening..and they will enjoy Thanksgetting day!
Good luck!
Debbie
September 27, 2010
Hi Preston…
I have two little girls one is 3 and the other is 18 months old… I started this business when my first daughter was only 7 months old and I promised my husband that holidays are off limits. My family comes first no matter what… and i always tell people I need way in advance notice for weddings and I only work three weekends a month and no more… and even if clients ask I tell them i dont have it available. This way a get a break and Im not missing out on the most important days with my family.
In your case what’s done is done but if family time means so much to you and your family I would say to keep that in mind when booking clients and keep those important days off
In the end you will always have your family and you want to cherish them while you have them!! Hope this helps!!
Gloria Brown
September 27, 2010
Preston, You mentioned that you had started your Thanksgiving Celebration a few years ago. So how did this so-called PRIOR business contract take precedence over your PRIOR family tradition? As you inked the contract in question, did you completely forget that you have been doing this tradition for a few years? I realize that money speaks volumes but you are the one that got your family members excited about your tradition. The only reason I would put the brakes on a once-a-year family tradition is for Oprah, The Donald, or for our President. Actually, I take that back…only for our President!
Preston, I don’t wish to sound like I am being harsh with you, but you asked the question, and now the ball is in your court. Let’s see how you handle this matter. Boy, you opened a can of worms … LOL
Eric
September 27, 2010
Have a Thanksgiving dinner catered at a restaurant or event space for your family in your absence. They can think of you while partaking in dinner!
Gloria Brown
September 27, 2010
Eric has a great idea! His idea is better than canceling a family celebration that was made well in advance of this business contract. Preston, will you let us know what your decision will be? I’m sure you want a happy ending because you don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings. You have a sweet heart and always do great!
Erik H.
September 28, 2010
I gottcha covered Preston. I’m a Chef and I could fly out there and put out a spread like your family’s never see. The whole nine yards. There dissapointment about you work’n will be all buy forgotten. Seriously though, I’m free those dates. No charge. Just need the time, the place and directions-Send me an Email.
Happy Holidays!
Erik
Ro
September 28, 2010
At the core of their frustration is the fact that they just want to spend time with you, because they love you, and thats something you should be happy about. Don’t let their actions or their words let you forget that.
It looks like you try your best to balance, they also should just be a little understanding of your work.
If they were a high level client how would you treat them? Maybe you can do the same for your family.
(Not in your industry or a bride, just happend to find your website)
Saurabh
September 28, 2010
Indeed, that’s probably the greatest pinch of our trade…anyways you can always compensate by being with them and celebrating that moment to the fullest when you have some free time on your hands.
Abigail
September 28, 2010
Since 2001 I live far away from my family and we can´t always travel and see each other for Holidays, so we celebrate anytime we see. Thanksgiving in July?? Yes!!! They get excited about my ideas and wait for the “great event”. Christmas in January?? Yes!! Why not?? My family loves me and love what I do so they wait for me and we celebrate everytime we have time!!
Elizabeth Johnston
September 28, 2010
I believe it is the quality of time no quantity. The people that love us understand the amount of dedication that goes into the profession we love. I find Sundays are a fabulous day to celebrate any occasion!
audrey
September 30, 2010
preston … well really i think your family should be family, they should accept, embrace, and support you in your endeavors. I would be disappointed just a tad in my family. Hoping that they would have some gratitude for the years of hosting i have provided and be supportive of just one skip on this years thanksgiving! but thats just me. I have 3 kids myself. and one has spina bifida so she has extensive needs. I couldnt do it without the most amazing husband in the world and a very supportive helpful family as well as a staff that almost becomes as much a part of my family life as my business life!
xoxo
A
norah
October 1, 2010
What’s more important to you? Family or your business? I suppose for this year your business came first and nothing is worth messing up the good thing you’ve had going with your family all these years (a Thanksgiving tradition). I can understand if some of them are somewhat upset. What client is more important than family? NONE! I’m sure letting go of one client (on Thanksgiving day) won’t leave you bankrupt (as rich as you are!). Preston, you should have known better. You’re getting old… start enjoying yourself more with your family while the getting is good. Making MOney mONey MONEY is good, but when you sacrifice your family just to get more of it — it ain’t worth it.