A few weeks ago I shared a list of my ten worst mistakes ever, but I held off on naming the top three. I hesitated to share my very worst mistakes, because they’re so personal in nature. But, a promise is a promise, so here we go:
My 3rd Worst Mistake Ever
Years ago I was doing a destination wedding in the Caribbean, and my client requested some additional elements shipped from New York. Because of the time constraint, it was suggested that we ship everything by private plane. I asked my client for her credit card information, but she asked that I put it on my American Express card instead and said she would pay for it later. However, after the event, my client simply refused to pay the $25,000. (Yes, this was an expensive error.)
Lesson Learned: Even though you want to keep your client happy, do not use your own money to do it.
My 2nd Worst Mistake Ever
I did a wedding once with a lot of white peonies. I ordered 2500 of them for the job. For some reason, that very week the Holland Flower Market sold out of white peonies, so they sent me pale pink peonies instead. Of course, pink was the one color my client hated. She was not happy.
Lesson Learned: Make sure there is a clause in your contract that says at times you do not have any control over the availability of the flowers promised. Or, make sure that if something like this does happen, you call and notify your client immediately. (This is not easy, because you will likely stress them out. But don’t delay!)
My Worst Mistake Ever (and the most personal one)
This happened in 1989, and it was one of the main reasons I decided to give up drugs and alcohol in 1990… talk about hitting bottom. Keep in mind that we did not have cell phones back then. I was doing a Friday night wedding for 100 folks. I was so stoned and drunk that I thought the wedding was on Saturday. I showed up a day late.
Lesson Learned: Don’t do drugs. And, if you drink, do not drink while you work.
Ok, there you have it. I am tempted to write a book called, PRESTON’S Screw Ups, for the sole purpose of helping others in the industry avoid making the same mistakes. However, I am strong advocate for taking chances, making errors, and learning from them. Because, ultimately, I think these experiences are the only way we grow.
Question: Have you ever gotten stuck paying a bill because your client wouldn’t give you the money? And, for my own personal knowledge, do you think that alcohol is a drug?
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George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
lindsey
March 24, 2011
alcohol is definitely a drug. i am tearing up at your stories! so glad you are clean, happy and so successful preston!
Chris Daniels
March 24, 2011
Alcohol is a drug…no place in the workplace for it unless you are a guest.zero tolerance for staff should be the norm because once you open that door……you have given up control.People who drink on the job need to be terminated, as letting that slide opens up EVERY THING ELSE for discussion,AKA theft,slacking,and less than professional conduct.
Never pay for anything major that isn’t in the contract.The clients credit card is as available as yours is these days…via email or cell phone calls…do they want it or not?
LOTS of great questions on your blog, Mr. Bailey!
Stacy Parker
March 24, 2011
Preston, I’m sure you’ll hear this a hundred times but it is touching that you would share some of these not-so-perfect moments. The first two are run-of-the-mill mistakes but the third one was personal and was probably difficult to share.
It does give me (and probably other event designers and planners) comfort knowing that one of the greats has made some of the same goofs that we have. I’ve used my own money on events but not nearly as much combined as that one $25,000 mistake! Look at it this way…you obviously were doing well if you a)had a client who could spend $25,000 on things being flown in a private jet and b)that you had the $25,000 to accommodate her.
As far as alcohol being a drug…if you look at its effects, I suppose it could be categorized as a drug but I think the majority of people classify them separately. You can have one drink and still function perfectly. Can you do one hit of a strong drug and do the same? I’ve never dabbled in it so I don’t know but I don’t think so. The older I get (all 34 years of it-haha), I firmly agree with the addage “everything in moderation”. That may not apply to everything but had you moderately imbibed, you may have had to chew gum to cover the 1-2 drinks you’d had but you wouldn’t have missed it entirely.
Don’t beat yourself up over it, though, and stay focused on the positive! Haven’t we all made mistakes? Most of our high moments far outweigh our low. For you, I feel that would be true especially. You have inspired so many people and continue to do so on a daily basis.
What? You’re human? *gasp* We’re shocked!
Shayla Dulaney
March 24, 2011
I got stuck paying for some rental table cloths…and yes I do think that alcohol is definately a drug. My Dad was what some called a functional alcoholic that would actually work and drink and never to my knowledge had any work related problems, but I always felt that anything sunstance that took your mind from it’s normal state is a drug…and that has always been a deal breaker for me…Since my Father’s drunken escapades I have refused to date anyone who drinks or smokes.
Meaghan Schmaltz
March 24, 2011
I did end up getting stuck paying for a table and linen last minute when an additional projector showed up on site at the last minute. Fortunately, I received an overly-generous gratuity from the MOB which more than covered the fees.
As far as alcohol goes – in my opinion it’s a drug. I think it’s far less addictive for a lot of people but it’s still a drug.
Sullivan Owen
March 24, 2011
Thank you so much for your candor and for sharing such a personal story. I hope you know how much we readers appreciate it.
Debra Biagini
March 24, 2011
Preston, as always you share very important information and today has been no different. Fortunately my worst mistake cost me about $120 because I did not manage my staff correctly. I’m the boss so I ended up having to give a customer $120 when one of my staff delivered late.
Alcohol as a drug is a tough issue when you live in a country that has the custom of making fine wines. The local custom regarding wine is that it should always be accompanied with food at the table. Italians basically frown against alcohol for pleasure in and of itself so American type cocktails are not generally used. In most of Italy, (I live in Rome) you drink one or two glasses of wine with dinner. Occasionally you will be offered a small amount of something after dinner that helps with digestion.
That said……there is no place for alcohol in the workplace.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Debra
Tricia
March 24, 2011
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences both good and bad. Your wisdom has been both educational and motivational to those of us who are just starting out and the experiences alike.
I have not personally been stuck with the cost of materials yet(knock on wood) but have been left holding the bag on the creativity and labour end of it….it has been a valuable learning experience that my time is worth something and to charge accordingly and stay firm.
I do believe that for some alcohol is a drug, it is easy to say be responsible and drink in moderation but for too many there is a slippery slope between a couple and knock down… Here in Calgary, July is a dangerous time for work and play we become the “stampede city” everyone uses it as a excuse to drink for 10 days…this mixed with weddings…not good! Best to celebrate after the events, to ensure professionalism and obligations and not to mention save on headache relief.
Gloria Buckman Yankson
March 24, 2011
I will always remember doing a job for a multinational telecommunications and receiving the shock of having to turn into a debt collector overnight cos the bill just remained unpaid. We were just starting out then and have learned a lot since then. Luckily they paid a year later but it had cost us so much energy by then, we had just about given up on it. Lessons learnt.
Coleman
March 24, 2011
When I used drugs, I simply did NOT ‘show up’ for interviews, work, social engagements, funerals – NOTHING! Wood Allen is quoted as saying, that “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” So while using drugs I was missed out because I didn’t show up. My experience with alcohol is slightly different. When drinking, even in the worst case scenario I always show up. However, I’m a faded out, dulled down version of my brilliant self. I choose now to not do drugs, to drink occasionally, and never while working so that I present my optimal self!
Ani Kitsinian
March 24, 2011
I love that you share these stories with us. Gives me so much encouragement. Love that you are so confident that you help others like you grow. I’m a firm believer in growing and helping others around you grow as well. Thank you!
Lara Goldman
March 24, 2011
first, thank you so much for your bravery in sharing those mistakes.
Is alcohol a drug? of course, its a mind and body altering additive. Just because its natural doesnt mean its not a drug. The problem for many, being drunk is somehow ‘ok”. Especially in Caribbean countries (like belize). “I was drunk” can be a perfectly acceptable excuse to some people.
For this reason, i do recommend using a local service in addition to your Home country contact. I can smooth over the “oops” that occur when a boat captain fails to show up due to a hard night of partying the night before
Jessica Robinson
March 24, 2011
Alcohol is a drug in my opinion. Anything that can cause you to put it above your otherwise better judgement, that can supercede the entire rest of your life and that becomes an addiction is a drug. We just lost a beautiful friend last Saturday to alcohol after she passed out and vomited in her sleep. A wonderful event turned tragic over night.
Thank you so much for sharing your mistakes, one of the many reasons I follow you (other than that magnificent style!) is that you are an honest and flawed person. It is so much more satisfying to have an icon who is open about their experiences – when we make mistakes we know that like you, we will learn from them. And that like you, if we share them with others they will benefit too.
xx
Theo Ramone
March 24, 2011
In 1988 we did a huge outdoor wedding for a prominent family in Fort Worth. The pool float was 5 feet across full of flowers and a large ornate white wicker birdcage in the middle of it with 2 white doves inside. During the reception a strong wind capsized the float. The doves did not make it. Lesson learned: Always anchor your pool floats. Preston, I got sober in 1997 after hitting bottom during my short freelance career. Some of the clients I worked for will never hire me again because of my drunken behavior. YES. Alcohol is a drug. The worst drug in my honest opinion. Sober 13 years now and loving every day of it.
-Theo
Mimi
March 24, 2011
I always insist all money be paid prior to me even buying the flowers. I do think that alcohol is a drug. I don’t drink or do drugs and live a great life without regrets. Thank you so much for your candor.
Birds of a Feather Events
March 24, 2011
I havent exactly gotten stuck paying for anything per say, but I have lost money by booking a job for free, or for too low of an investment from the couple. I supply vintage decor to couples as a part of my design packages and have bought specific items for certain wedding before, money out of my pocket, but I keep and reuse the items later. I guess that is just the cost of being in business for me though since vintage is my niche.
I only consider alcohol a drug when it is not consumed in moderation. No one likes a drunk. Kudos to you for caring more about your clients, your reputation as a designer/business man, and your employees then your addiction.
Donna Frazier
March 24, 2011
Thank you for being so transparent and showing that even the best of us have made mistakes! Thanks for sharing so that I can learn.
featherfactor
March 24, 2011
Wow, what an interesting post to read – thank you so much for sharing it! I’m not a pro but rather a bride and it helps me keep in mind to be reasonable (though I think I am, hopefully!). Love your blog, Preston.
Nazzib Samad
March 25, 2011
my answer is yes. Hence I never took drug except for cig and I quit alcohol years and years ago.
Julia Hewitt
March 25, 2011
How courageous of you to share your story! What an inspiration.
Lineth
March 25, 2011
Inspiration is what I feel inside of me right now…I gave up alcohol a year and half ago…I was born in the same country as Mr Preston Bailey…nuestro hermoso Panama…I have been always a huge fan…and today…dreaming about becoming a designer one day…now that my life has changed and life is wonderful…I read he quit alcohol too long ago…and look at him now…he is doing better than ever! My heart was touched by reading this blog…In french: CHAPEAU…Mr bailey..I admire you even more now!…And these are the things that keep me believing in dreams again!
Lineth
March 25, 2011
It doesn’t matter if alcohol is a drug or not. Some people may handle it better than others. I am 42 years old and a couple of years ago I was an outstanding professional in another industry, I believe a good mother and a good wife…and one day…I dont know when.. and how .alcohol took control of my life! I made many…but many mistakes that I definetly regret…but since I quit drinking…I discovered there is an artist in me…and every day I find myself in the interent reading about events and design and as a coincidence…I am checking this blog for the very first time in my life!!! This is destiny hahahaha I even feel like taking the certificate online!
I definetly identify with Mr Preston Bailey ‘s words…thanks for sharing…this is not about alcohol and drugs…this is about believing in ourselves…and making dreams come true!!! Oh wow…today is a beautiful and new day! Tks for sharing…
Debbie Hernandez
March 26, 2011
Thank you for sharing! You inspired me at the Catersource 2011 and continue to inspire me through your blog! Good to know that even the BEST have made mistakes that led them to where they are now! Best wishes and good Karma your way!
Anamaria
March 26, 2011
Once I added a shrimp ceviche to the menu AFTER the bride & family had already approved of the menu without it.
I had the mother in law’s blessing and she said we shouldn’t make a big fuss about it with the bride and just go ahead and add it. when the bride tried it at the wedding she happened to be allergic and started turning red (TOMATO RED) and we ended up calling an ambulance! YIKES! lesson learned: NEVER add anything to the menu without letting the bride know first.
Katie Jensen
March 27, 2011
Preston, I am new to the industry and have almost completed my class to become certified as a wedding planner. That said, I truly appreciate your openness and honesty about mistakes that you’ve made. It helps to ease some of my fears of becoming a wedding planner and botching everything up. You’ve reminded me that NO ONE is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes. You’ve also reminded me that the grace with which you handle the mistakes and what you learn from them is the important thing. And yes I do think that alcohol is a drug, I think that anything can become a drug if the person abuses it. The sad thing is that alcohol is so easily accessible and socially acceptable that it often gets overlooked as a potential problem for so many people! I’m glad to hear that you’re in a better place now! Thank you for sharing!
afcpam
March 28, 2011
I was plagued with brides like this last year.
I ordered items for her wedding, using her deposit. She cancelled my services the day after all of her money was due, due to her “mother decided not to pay for it, and she didn’t have the money.” I got stuck with the non-returnable merchandise on my credit card.
Another bride added, nearly daily, to her wedding design,after her final payment was due, 30 days prior to the wedding. She was apprised of the cost each time she added. When presented with the final bill, she “didn’t have any more money left in her wedding budget.” She still owes the nearly $6,000.
My personal belief is that anything that holds power over you, or interferes with a clear mind, is a drug. I’m sorry it took your mistake with the event to quit drugs and alcohol, but so proud of you for quitting both!
Zyanya Itzel
March 30, 2011
Our worst mistake: not signing a contract with one of our “trustworthy” clients (a wedding planner) who cancelled us one of our services minutes before the event and asking for a refund.
Lesson: never trust words and always sign a contract.
Shanika Butts
April 1, 2011
I am constantly amazed and inspired about how frank and honest you are about your trials in this business. You truly are an inspiration to me.
As far as the alcohol is concerned, I don’t drink, and my staff is not allowed to drink while we’re working. Not even a little sip.
kristophine
April 3, 2011
The alcohol question is within my purview–neuroscience. As far as science is concerned, alcohol is a psychoactive drug: it alters brain activity and therefore alters how people experience the world. Words like “depressant” tend to get thrown around a lot in casual discussions of alcohol, but the main thing to know is that it alters neuronal functionality. It has a host of effects, some more pleasant than others, but the one that always amazed me most is that the molecules of alcohol are so small that they can actually penetrate the cell’s membrane–and in the case of neurons, at least, that leads to disorganization of the molecules that make up the membrane.
Seriously, how strange is that? The membrane that separates the inside of a neuron from the outside actually gets messed up. Back in I believe the 90′s someone actually invented an ethanol antagonist–a drug that lands on the same receptor proteins (which are embedded in neuronal membranes) as alcohol does, and blows alcohol right off those receptors, which prevents the action of alcohol on receptors. (Ethanol acts on a type of receptor that can also bind with drugs like Valium; the technical term for that class of drugs is “sedative-hypnotic.” Which, funny story, is why it’s so much more toxic to take Valium with alcohol than to take either alone.) So you may wonder, why don’t we have this drug available to us? Why can’t we go to the bar, drink a bunch, take a pill, and be sober enough to drive home?
Because the antagonist doesn’t affect the membrane disorganization. And people who can keep making themselves feel sober keep drinking more. And that means that, at a certain point, although the people testing the drug felt perfectly sober, their neurons stopped being able to send messages, and they dropped dead.
But if what you’re wondering about is the addictive quality of alcohol, then yes, alcohol is still a drug, absolutely. It causes the same dopamine release in the same brain region (ventral tegmental area–one of my favorites) as cocaine or heroin. The size and speed of the dopamine spike determine how addictive the substance is, so with cocaine, for instance, you see both a large and a faster spike than with alcohol. But alcohol unquestionably triggers the reward mechanisms of the brain. We have far from a complete understanding of it at this point (neuropeptides, a class of really big molecules, is only recently coming under investigation for its role in reward mechanisms, and will probably help to explain a lot of variability in addictive potential), but I can confidently assure you that alcohol is a drug. Different people will have different susceptibility to it–for instance, there’s a genetic mutation in some people that sharply increases the brain’s response to alcohol, making it much more potently addictive, like heroin.
People who think of alcohol as “no big deal” are either people who are lucky enough to have a favorable genetic background for it, or people who’ve never seen the devastation alcohol can inflict–on an adult, a teenager, or, worst of all, a developing embryo or fetus. I say this as someone who drinks socially. Alcohol can be great. But it causes horrible mutations in embryos, it alters neuronal function, and it can shut down the center of the brain that’s responsible for breathing. It is a toxin. It’s a recreational drug, and the fact that we don’t culturally recognize it as such doesn’t change that.
People don’t like to say “Alcohol is a drug” because they don’t like to admit that they do a drug. Doesn’t change the facts.
Haute Chocolate
April 19, 2011
Preston your ability to be so honest & transparent with these stories is to be commended- i think it this mantra, along with your pure talent is what sets you apart from other vendors, and it will surely continue to bless you woth riches & good fortune. Thank you for sharing this with your readers