I’ve never had a client who came in and said “Preston, you’re the wedding designer. Do whatever you want for my wedding.” Sometimes, clients aren’t positive what they want, but, in these cases, I know the right questions to ask, and pretty quickly I have a good sense of what they envision for their wedding decor. Most of my clients, however, know exactly what they want, and, sometimes, they even know too much. Every once and awhile, I encounter clients who are extremely detail orientated — even borderline controlling.
Typically, this isn’t a problem; after all, this event is a very special day, and they just want to make sure everything is done right. I understand that. However, there does come a point when a client needs to let go and allow you to do your job as the wedding designer.
Here are my best practices for dealing with a controlling bride:
1. You need to inform your clients of every single detail and cost every step of the way. Sometimes, this is easier said than done. It can be incredibly time consuming, but you need to do it.
2. Make a point to call or email your client at least twice a day. Most of these lovely brides just need to feel as though they are part of the process.
3. If you’re doing flower arrangements and wedding centerpieces, make sure you show her exactly what she is getting before the wedding! Also, it’s a very good idea to take a picture of the “sample” flower designs you show her, and let her keep a copy. On the day of the event, you don’t want to hear those dreaded words, “That is not what I had in mind.”
4. Sometimes, a client will want to meet with you for the simplest reasons. Make the time. She just wants some reassurance.
5. You need to gain your client’s trust. Be her friend. Do whatever you need to do to make her understand that you’re here for her.
6. If for some reason there’s a last minute change, no matter how minuscule, notify your client ASAP. She might not be happy, but it’s better to tell her sooner rather than later.
7. At times, you may need to be firm yet gentle with your client. Whatever you do, make sure you give it to her straight, even though at times she may not want your advice. Don’t be a push over.
I cannot stand the TV show, Bridezilla. In my 31 years in the business, I’ve never had a client who’s anything like the crazy and spoiled brides on that show. However, I’ve done more than one wedding where the bride was very uptight and was always waiting for something to go wrong. Guess what? Most of the time, something does go wrong. Always remind your bride that this is her day, and she should have a great time. Tell her to let you worry about everything. That’s your job, after all.
Now, a few questions for you:
Do you think every bride is right for you as a client? Has a bride ever treated you badly? I find that those of us in the industry actually make the worst clients: If you’re married, were you a controlling bride or groom? (Be honest!)
PREVIOUS
George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
Meaghan Schmaltz
April 14, 2011
Great post! It’s hard to not feel like you’re overwhelming clients at times with emails or phone calls when things need approval, or to be tweaked, but you’re right – they appreciate being kept in the loop.
As to your questions – no, not every potential client is a fit. Personalities make a huge impact on relationships and it’s no different whether a bride is paying you for a service, or whether you meet someone new at an event. If you don’t click, you don’t click!
Was I controlling? No. Did I get a little upset when the cake topper fell off and mushed the back of my cake? Yep. But the caterer fixed it so in the long run, it’s just a funny story to tell.
Emilie
April 14, 2011
I was definitely a controlling bride and planned everything down to the last detail but when it came to the wedding day I was able to let go and enjoy. If there was something that went wrong at my wedding, I didn’t know about it until after the fact which was great. The key is hiring good vendors and letting them do what they do best.
Kristin @ Bella Bridal Consultants
April 14, 2011
Such sage advice. I, too, have design clients that know exactly what they want, which sometimes makes it hard for me at first to bring everything together cohesively when I had another design in mind for the space. At the end of the day, communication is key, and if I can design an emotionally moving environment that my clients love, I’ve done my job!
yvonne
April 14, 2011
I’m a wedding photographer, but many of these points also pertain to my line of work. I can tell pretty early on whether a bride is a good fit for our business and they are not always a good fit. You can fit an 8×12 picture in an 8×10 frame…but it won’t be pretty. The same goes for clients…there are times when it is best to refer them to someone else who can mesh well with them and vice versa. I’ve only had to do that twice and I was very glad I did. I have a very easy-going personality, however when it comes to the photography I can be very controlling, which comes in handy with large families and wedding parties. I like to push my couples in a fun way to get the best possible shots for them on their wedding day. I put in my contract that no abusive speech or behavior toward myself or my staff will be tolerated. Fortunately, that has never been the case. I was married before I became a wedding photographer, but I was a very laid back bride. I told my planner I wanted “spring” to be the theme of my wedding and she gave me spring. Nothing went wrong and it was very romantic. My advice to brides is always to hire a planner…pay someone to worry for you on what can be one of the most stressful days of your life!
Romantic Travel Belize
April 14, 2011
I have a colleague who patently refuses to answer a bride email in less than 2 days. He believes that she is managing the clients expectations. I could not disagree more. To me, you do not subordinate your client, you manage them as you would in any other business. You build a rapport and relationship built on trust and MINIMIZING anxiety, not Maxing out by leaving her on pins and needles. Having said this, he is successful, so i suppose approach depends on the person and the style they wish to create.
As for the type of bride: I am a FIRM believer that you like finds like. You draw to you a similar or complimentary energy if you try. So, for me, every single person i’ve worked with so far really has been a dream….so far! Here’s hopin’ for more of the same!
Preston, thank you for your posts. They inspire me to continue to grow and encourage me when i whap my head on a wall
Best
Lara
romantictravelbelize.com
Dianat
April 14, 2011
This is an excellent topic! I did learn very quickly in my early start on how to apoach your client’s requests, after all if you are patient enough to show that you care, they will think about hiring you. So I did learn through an experience, when I went with my brother and his bride to meet a photographer..the bride asked the photographer how does he usually like to take the pose, will he tell them how to stay, should she bring some examples of what she would like as well? (she has never been a bride before)…the photographer’s reply was :” After 25 years of my experience you will tell me what to do?”… that was terrible rude and of course he was not chosen just because of that answer.
Since then, I try to have the patience and the time to answer any questions as it does not cost anything, however it will make my prospect make a decision of who I am and how much I care about them.
Eve
April 14, 2011
This post made me sigh with relief – so I am not the only one with controlling clients.
Recently, I had to tell one client that a wedding table should be beautiful rather than mathematically balanced. She was getting too concerned about the exact measurements and equal distances between the vases and the candles, etc. It was nice to see her laugh and relax. It does happen, and it is our job to take control and yes as you mentioned, reassure.
I do not think every bride is the right client, yet I am working hard to try to push through difficult clients and do the best I can to make them happy. I also think that difficult clients make you push yourself, and set higher standards for yourself. For that I am grateful to them.
P3
April 14, 2011
I make it a point to get to know the client before giving any prices! Sometimes I just have to tell a bride that I don’t think I am the best planner for them. I usually try to give the name of another planner that may be better for them.
jacin {lovely little details}
April 14, 2011
i’ve learned along the way that it is oh so important to have that critical “interview” meeting in the beginning, to make sure we are the right fit. such great tips – thank you.
Martine Chery
April 15, 2011
Great post! and so funny that you talked about this today, because just this morning I subscribed to an educative audio for wedding professionals about “5 Bridal Conflict styles & what you need to know to be Fearless” from Dina Eisenberg. She’s a Confict coach for Entrepreneurs and her company is Positively Wed. And there’s a lot of interested points to learn, and like she said:”Can allow you to deal with the most difficult bride. If you have time, I’m inviting you to listen to it (www.positivelywed.com). As for your questions, I don’t think that every bride is right for me, that’s why I insist of having an initial meeting to find out if we are the right match, and Thank God, I didn’t have to deal with any bridezillas so far. And I also refuse to watch that show because I just don’t understand why all this drama. Thanks for sharing. Martine
Angela
April 15, 2011
Very interesting chat today. Sometimes when you meet a client you can tell almost immediately if both of you will work great today. I really do not push for a job if i get the wrong vibes from a client. I really do not know if there are bridezillas ( I have had some really nasty brides), cos I just believe that the way you handle a client determines the outcome. On the other hand, I actually planned my wedding and enjoyed every inch of it. I however got someone else to design the reception venue.
Dina Eisenberg|PositivelyWed
April 15, 2011
I don’t like the Bridezilla show either, Preston. Brides who seem difficult or controlling act that way for a reason, and often don’t want to be behaving that way but don’t know what else to do. Would you mind if I shared a thought or two?
Understanding the different conflict styles that brides use to solve problems is so helping in choosing the right approach both for setting expectations and finding solutions. As Martine said, I talk more about that on my blog- 5 Bridal Conflict Styles & What You Need to Know to be Fearless. (thanks- you’re so sweet!)
You’re the thought leader, as the professional, and it’s part of your job not only to reassure the bride but to show her there are more effective ways to get what’s needed besides bullying or micromanaging.
Don’t know how to communicate positively with purpose? Learn! Conflict management training is part of your professional development. Besides, it will make having all conversations, difficult or not, much easier and efficient. Look to your local mediation non-profit for coursework.
I’ll be talking about how to talk to your bride to kickoff a great working relationship (and write your own contract) this Tuesday, April 19th if anyone is interested.
http://PositivelyWed.com/preview-call
Warmly, Dina Eisenberg
Rayna L. Brown
April 18, 2011
I was a bride July of last year! I hired a Full-service planner but we mutually decided on day-of after about 2 months! I guess I was a little controlling. Seemed like she was just moving too slow. After the wedding day, I realize that her creative eye just wasn’t what I was looking for. After the wedding, her words were “I never could have created this for you! YOU should be showing me a few things instead of me showing you”. I see that she is more of a day-of coordinator. Not a planner who can actually work out the details with a creative eye. As a planner, I’ve learned that we cannot have a spirit of procrastination at all. Brides want and NEED prompt responses, prompt follow-ups etc. I believe that’s the key. If you can always keep in touch, most times, they will be OK!
Mimi
April 19, 2011
I used to be the director of a colleges counseling program. I used to tell our students that there is a college right for you. As a floral designer, I believe it’s important for there to be a synergy between the bride and the person doing the flowers. In the past, brides would come to me with sometimes tortured ideas about how to do the flowers. Totally unlike anything we would create.They would be difficult to work with, because they would not listen to my suggestions. So I would do exactly what they wanted and they would end up not liking what they requested and blame me. I began to pray for clients to come to us who wanted our style of work. Since then that’s what we got. I did my own flowers for my wedding with the help of my sisters. Yes I was controlling, because I knew exactly what I wanted and because they love me they did a fabulous job.