This morning I shared my response to Poor and Confident’s letter, which I published in last week’s Dear Preston column. This afternoon, I’d like to share with you an email I got from one of my clients after she read the letter.
Dear Preston,
I am appalled at the accusation that Poor and Confident made in his letter. But, frankly, I am even more shocked that you gave his letter merit by publishing it. When I hired you to do my daughter’s wedding, I did so because you came highly recommended, and I was not disappointed. You were professional and meticulous, and the wedding gave my daughter and our family a beautiful night of memories. But I don’t think that Poor and Confident deserves the respect you have given him.
Sincerely,
Disappointed
Well, there you have it. I intend to answer my client directly and in private. However, once I have spoken to her, I will address her letter here with you. I’m worried that she thinks I printed that letter because a part of me agrees with its’ sentiment. Nothing could be further from the truth. What is true, though, is that I will not shy away from any subject no matter how delicate or uncomfortable it may be.
Does anyone have any suggestions for what I should say to my client when I speak to her? I want YOUR advice!
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George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
Marayah
May 31, 2011
Maybe it fell on your heart to publish and respond to such accusations. It does not mean that you agree. Sometimes, God places us in positions to educate others. In reading your response to Poor and Confident’s letter, I feel that you briefly educated this person in regards to the industry. This gives them the opportunity to absorb what you shared and grow. Maybe your insight will encourage them to listen to different points of view and articulate their feelings and opinions in a manner that doesn’t insult or offend. It is only shameful when you charge someone for a service and you give them less than quality product and so far that’s not what you do, You deliver and people love what you do.
CANDY
May 31, 2011
Preston you are a principled and respectful man. The way you would respond to a glowing comment should be the same way you respond to an unenthusiastic one. You should never change who you are. Responding to that comment in a harsh way would have been ugly, it would have brought you down to “Poor and
Confident’s” level, and would have shown the world that you have absolutely no self-control over your emotions. As an event designer myself, people are looking for calm, cool and relaxed not volatile, unstable and explosive! You are better than “Poor and Confident” and you so fabulously displayed that by not only posting the comment but also by responding, again, so eloquently. You did the right thing…find peace in that. Much respect, Candy.
Jeanne
May 31, 2011
Everyone is entitled to be treated with respect, even if they – by their actions – don’t deserve it. Treating someone with respect says more about who you are than who they are.
By publishing “Poor and Confident’s” letter you show that you are able to address praise as well as criticism (because by not publishing it, you give P&C the ability to say you ignored their letter and thereby tacitly agree with it’s sentiments).
This is a speed bump, not a road block.
Perfecting Pru
May 31, 2011
Preston,
I would thank your client for her words and express how pleased you are that she was happy and that her whole family enjoyed her daughter’s wedding and that nothing makes you more proud.
I wouldn’t answer the query about whether you agree with the commenter’s thoughts, as it is pretty obvious from your response earlier that you do not. It is good to question these comments when they are received though, and it seems that you have. I would put it to bed.
Angela
May 31, 2011
It is obvious you do not in anyway agree with what the “Poor and Confident” person wrote in the letter. There was nothing to demonstrate that you agreed with his sentiments. Publishing his letter just made us understand how different people view design jobs and it really made me think a lot. I would like to tell ” Disappointed” not to see the mail published as any form of respect. We learn a lot daily from this blog, we have made vital decisions that have moved our businesses forward, so reading that letter makes you know that different people in life will always see things from different perspective. No matter what. Keep up the good job Preston…
VAO
May 31, 2011
I think you were fine to post the negative review & your reply, but to post a letter from the client and say you’ll follow up with another post about it just draws out and unnecessarily dramatizes the significance of the original complaint. Let it go and focus your energies on things that will provide you with positive fulfillment.
Kristen
May 31, 2011
I would tell her that you posted it not to agree with the letter or to even expose Poor and Confident, but that you shared it to help other event and wedding planners learn from the situation. You are one of the few if only well known event designers that utilize your experience and expertise to mentor and educate other designers and planners in such a public fashion. I know that I learn a great deal from what you do and I’ve been in the industry in one form or another for the past 16 years (but am new to working for myself the past year and a half). Your posting that letter has helped those of us learn from your situation and will help me to utilize your method of approaching it in a calm and rational manner.
Michelle
May 31, 2011
Our clients must understand that we are a business and to neglect is sometimes equal to giving credence just as commenting may be considered conceding as your client may feel you did. In this case your answer was one that neither gave credence nor did it concede, it is my hope that your answer educated Poor & Confident. As a person of truth and passion you will answer your client from a place of honesty and openness.
Tacroy
May 31, 2011
I wrote a comment supporting you and the work you do when you first posted the email last week. I still feel the same way now that I did then, but I do feel some concern that the reader’s justified anger at the historically-high economic inequality wasn’t addressed. Many readers responded by insinuating that people who are struggling economically could do better if they just worked a little harder, or worse, that money = moral virtue. While the reader could obviously have chosen a more constructive way to express their feelings, the letter struck me as a howl of wounded, exhausted, powerless rage from a person who has seen too many people (including, perhaps, themselves) experience enormous, undeserved misfortune, to which many of the Haves turn a blithe, blind eye. Many — not all, by any means, but many — of this nation’s wealthy respond to these people’s stories as some of the commenters on this blog did – by saying, in essence, “let them eat cake.”
I worry that the collective response to this reader has at times veered uncomfortably into “How DARE you question your betters, you inferior being!”-type territory.
Preston, I understand that you’re feeling hurt and angry – this person called your entire identity and life’s work into question. But I think you would be leaving a big, big piece of this story unfinished if you let it rest with the mob pile-on. Do you think you could reach inside yourself and try to touch the part of you that understands this person, that understands the terror and rage they and so many like them live with every day, how they’re doing their utmost just to try to make it through, but it gets harder and harder when their struggles are ignored – or worse, when they’re told that their situations are their own fault? Can you try to reach inside and feel what it does to your psyche and soul when you work hard for years, get laid off, and apply over and over again for years for a new job, but keep getting rejected? Can you imagine what it’s like to see everything you’ve worked for in your life taken away, what it’s like to be reduced to childlike dependence on friends, family or the government, what it’s like to not be able to provide for your family, to not have a purpose in life — or to watch a loved one suffer or die because they can’t afford health care?
And then, what it’s like to see wealthy people blithely spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on wedding flowers, seemingly without a care in the world?
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not laying *any* of the responsibility for this state of affairs on you! And I’m not blaming your clients. Just as wealth doesn’t equal moral virtue, it most certainly doesn’t equal moral turpitude either. But if you think about the reader’s email in this context, it becomes pretty easy to see how someone might snap and lash out.
Really, I think that person is just desperate to be heard, to be seen, and to have their struggle and/or the struggles of the people in their lives acknowledged. I still disagree wholeheartedly with their premise and their words, but I think both the Haves and Have Nots could go a long way toward healing each other’s wounds if they just treated each other with a little compassion. And I think that you, Preston, have a wonderful opportunity right now to contribute to that process.
This letter didn’t arrive out of nowhere, and it shouldn’t be treated as a single disgruntled individual. It’s symptomatic of much more brutal, painful, underlying dynamics at work within our society right now. I think a thorough, complete response to the email must address it within that context.
I know it was a personal wound, Preston, but it wasn’t intended that way. Not really. It was a jab from someone who desperately wants to fight against the system, but when they try they get swallowed up, and the only way they can get listened to is to make a jab at someone just far enough outside the machinery to be vulnerable. If you can manage to work through your hurt to find the better angels of your nature, you’ll find that the collective response to this reader has been an injustice as well, and one which you have a special opportunity to acknowledge.
Thanks for reading. All the best.
paula
May 31, 2011
The tone of your blog is educational and for the benefit others in similar fields. You do so by sharing your experience. By posting “Poor and Confident”s email to you, you opened up dialogue amongst others who may experience a similar type of question/statement regarding their own work/business. Reader response was very much directed at being supportive of you, and also directed at how unrealistic “P&C” was on a business-level.
By publishing that comment, you allowed your readers to reflect upon the relevance of the high-end field, hear other reader’s perspectives and do what blog forums do – share thoughts and opinions.
I think that it’s a wonderful testimony for you that a client took issue (in your defense) with your willingness to publish a negative comment. Perhaps your client will appreciate that it was a learning opportunity for so many others, and very courageous of you to open this topic on your blog.
As always – thank you.
Fear loses its power to terrify when you invite it to be your teacher
June 1, 2011
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY?
Angela
June 1, 2011
I also do not think we should address any more of the letters on this particular topic again. Let us all learn from it, because a response on what the disappointed client said or will say could spark even more views from bloggers.
Savannah (Pearls and Pages)
June 3, 2011
Tough one, Preston! Tough indeed….
I think you may have hit it on the head with the “agreement of the letter’s sentiment.” Maybe that could be upsetting your client? But, as you said, that is farthest from the truth and, I think that is a great statement: no matter how uncomfortable the situation may be, you shouldn’t be afraid to answer it. And, I think by sharing this uncomfortable letter you were reaching out to the community of fans and fellow wedding and event design biz owners with whom you’ve created a relationship.
We grow personally and professionally by sharing our experiences and thoughts with others, and not being afraid to talk about things that aren’t so glitzy and glammy. There’s the good and the bad, and the community you foster should all come together to chat about all different sorts of business issues. This was one of them.
But, on the flipside, I can understand that sharing this letter would just toot the offender’s horn. By sharing his/her harsh words you are also giving merit to his/her poor behavior and unkind words. A gray area, indeed, but I think meeting personally with this client is the best thing you can do. Chat about what each other thinks and feels about the issue. Always be kind, and honest, and hopefully both of you can gain something valuable from this experience, and walk away from it satisfied.
Good luck, and congrats on making your client’s event a dream (as expected!) and have a lovely weekend!
Much Love, Savannah
Denise
June 9, 2011
Dear Preston,
I too have been following your work and I am so impressed and amazed at what you do. I aspire to be an event stylist with even a smidge of the grace, class and creativity you career imulates. I can understand why you would print that let, and love the way you responded. Planning events is often looked at as frivalous and meaning less… I whole heartedly disagree, when I work with a wedding couple I can see the joy pulling of their dream celebration with family and friends can bring them… how can bringing joy to so many people be souless? While being a doctor to heal the sick or politician who makes laws to help people are important professions…creating moments of joy, love, imagination and community are just as important! Love you and thank you for your continued inspiration!
Cheryl
January 11, 2012
If P&C believed your work to be soulless and empty, I believe it’s time to prove him/her wrong. And believe me, you prove the critics wrong time and time again. Criticism, however hurtful, is a tool for empowerment. But taking shots at the people who come to you for help in making memories, regardless of their levels of wealth? That’s just wrong. Who is this person to judge?
I believe Poor and Confident’s letter was aimed more at the extravagant tastes and lifestyles most of your clients have. Wanton? By certain definitions, yes. Calling rich people insecure simply because they can afford to pay for certain things does not mean they are insecure at all. It’s not even about the money. Can you put a price tag on the Mona Lisa? Memories are priceless. Art is priceless. That is why I think Preston is in a position of privilege to be able to create experiences and memories on important occasions in peoples’ lives.
Art is not soulless. Art is soul. I believe art is about connections. Connecting people with the artist’s vision of inspiration, beauty and truth. Whatever the size of the budget, however simple or extravagant the event, people will always be people and memories remain, always, priceless.