Dear Preston,
As an African American in the wedding and event industry, I’m encountering a problem that’s weighing heavily on my heart. I live in Pennsylvania. Brides see my work, love my work, get referred by other brides, and make an appointment to see me. But then they discover that I’m African American, and they are stunned. Most of them are okay once they let my work speak for itself, but some of their fiances get quite nervous when they meet me. I’ve had some grooms who were outwardly uncomfortable with my race. I had one bride who went against her groom’s wishes and hired me. He was just not sure that a minority could deliver. He nitpicked everything down to a few hours before the wedding. Only after it was all done and they received rave reviews about my work from family and friends, did he finally let me off the hook.
I don’t know about your experiences, but it seems that if you’re African American (at least in Pennsylvania) that you have to prove yourself even harder. It makes me sad.
I hide pictures of myself on my website, blog and Facebook for fear that people will use my picture instead of my work to decide whether or not to hire me. Any wisdom you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Seriously,
Sad in Pennsylvania
Dear Sad in Pennsylvania,
Because I travel around the world for my work, I meet and see lots of different types of people. But one thing never changes: there’s always one group of people who are outcasts. Sometimes, these minorities are not even acknowledged; it’s as if they are invisible. This breaks my heart. It also makes me angry. I can relate.
When I first started in the wedding and event planning industry, I arranged to meet a new client. We agreed to meet at her home. When she opened the door, she saw this tall, bald black man, and she was so terrified that she immediately shut the door in my face. I never heard from her again. That encounter was one of the most hurtful experiences of my life.
Prejudice is all around us. The only thing that helps is hard work; I want people to know me first and foremost for my talent. Clearly, you’re doing the same thing. Continue doing great work. As you said yourself, your work and personality speak for themselves.
However, I’d like to also caution you. Please be very careful not to jump to conclusions. When I was starting out, many of my brides’ fiances and fathers also questioned my ability to deliver. They were concerned not only because I was a minority but also because I was young and they had never worked with me before. They wanted everything to be perfect for the bride. Maybe some of the grooms you meet are nervous, because they don’t want anything to go wrong.
Be patient. I know it’s hard. But eventually, if you continue to work hard and produce good work, your race will become less and less of an issue. In the mean time, please put pictures of yourself on your website and on Facebook. Don’t hide.
Sincerely, PB
Readers, have you ever experienced discrimination? Do you agree with me that “Sad in Pennsylvania” should put her picture on her website? I’d like to know what you think. Please share.
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George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
Anika
June 14, 2011
I recently had this experience where the groom questioned everything I did even on the day of the wedding while I was on my hands and knees making sure that EVERYTHING was exactly right. There were some tasks earmarked for Mr. Groom that he did NOT deliver on, but were saved because I had done them as a plan B. This thrilled the bride, but I could see the open shock in the groom’s face.
I have been advised to take my picture down so that I didn’t “limit” myself when potential clients visited my web pages. However, I agree with Preston, you CAN’T hide and still blossom into all of who you already are becoming. I just believe that those who can’t get past the exterior miss out on the divine elegance I bring to their events from my interior.
Char
June 14, 2011
I had an experience like that last week. I placed an ad in a local magazine and a young lady responded. She asked to meet at her home. When I got there she opened the door and said, “Yes, may I help you?” I proceeded to tell her who I was then she smiled and said, “No offense, you sounded white on the phone and with a name like Char I assumed.” I said, “Really? What does white sound like? All my black family and friends sound just like me.” We proceeded with the “interview”. Needless to say I didn’t get the job. I was not disappointed as I would not want to work with someone who feels the way she does, whatever that feeling is. I am in the business to make money yes but I am more so because it is my passion. She isn’t worth stealing my passion.
danielle.gilcrest
June 14, 2011
I haven’t experienced any discrimination directly…YET!. However, I’m sure that could be just part of living and doing business in America. I can’t let that stop me. I have to the ME that I have been called to be. I am who I am and my best as a person first , then a planner/designer is all I can offer anyone. I would urge “Sad in Pennsylvania” to post her picture on her website IMMEDIATELY! While I understand her trepidation, (alot of African American Business owners feel the same way) I also feel as if we are somehow giving in to to racist mentality by hiding our faces from our brand. Not only do I bring my creativity to any client, I also bring myself. Hiding your picture from your website,doesn’t eliminate the fact that you are Black, and the truth will show when you show up for the meeting. Anyone who is surprised by that is showing their true colors and you don’t want a client like that in your database.
I”m a 6foot tall black woman with long hair, a big personality and loves a 4 inch stiletto. I do everything big and over the top. I’ve come to accept that’s who I am and that’s what makes me…well… ME. I’ve been in predominately Caucasian environments all my life and my parents taught me to use that to my advantage in life. They taught me that people would remember me because I was the only black girl in the class and that I was so tall.So rather then shrink, I learned to shine. So I say hard work and your best work will be the best revenge. Not all clients the same as “Sad in Pennsylvania ” and they high paying jobs will come.
If you keep the focus on talent.. so will your clients. If they can’t the don’t be afraid to walk away.
Tere
June 14, 2011
You are not alone. I live in Michigan and have taken classes to become a certified wedding planner and floral designer. I did this to prove I have the proper education and serious drive to create and provide great services. Instead i get the same reaction. I too do not have a pic of myself on my site I try to let my event photos talk for me. Currently I have alot of african american clients and I am greatful for that and someday I will be successful as a multicultural wedding planner…you can to…all you have to do is hold your head up, keep giving great service and CLAIM SUCCESS!
Meta
June 14, 2011
Some potential clients are surprised that I am Black. I have had them say the same thing ‘you didn’t sound black on the phone. I have allowed my work to speak volumes about what I can do. I also encounter the race issue with other vendors, when I show up on event day, I am typically asked if I am the caterer, when I say no, I am the florist/floral designer, I get ‘Oh’. I think it’s hilarious. It is assumed that since I am a large black woman that I must be the cook. I think that people don’t mean any harm they are creatures of their own prejudices and I can live with that, as long as nothing mean is said or no actions are taken. There have been situations where I have made judgments about who I think people are, just to be proven wrong. We are all human!
Anonymous
June 14, 2011
As an African American wedding planner, I had to take my picture off of my website. I too have suffered from covert discrimination in my town. I am have the certifications and schooling and do great work, but when a potential client meets with me I usually do not get the job. The town I live in is somewhat conservative but that has not deterred me. I feel that I produce good work and that work will ultimately outweigh any color issues. It is a shame in this day and age that African Americans STILL have to prove themselves worthy. I look at what is happening to our president and I can relate to all the criticism that he receives. Be true to yourself and put out positive energy and people who recognize you for you will come to you.
Marcy Blum
June 14, 2011
well, im not naive enough to equate being a white, middle aged, Jewish female with being black, but I will come out and say that a lot of my clients assume that a gay man has better taste than i do ( as in ANY gay man)
that’s just the way it is in this world, I used to be too young to command any respect and now my clients need reassurance that i’m still hip and relevant
AND apparently, I am not of the demographic they want for television
so, you just have to tough it out there is no point in disguising who you are-either on the outside and inside, it only leads to resentment on your part and a lack of trust on the clients end
Janet Hall
June 14, 2011
Race has always been a problem in the wedding industry. We did a bridal show and had one of the best displays in the hotel, but we were standing at our table. It was only when we moved away from the table, did brides start coming by and picking up literature from us. I don’t put my picture up because we need the opportunity to show our skills and talents. We have to prove ourselves to the non-ethnic bride that we have the knowledge, education, experience and professionalism that any non-ethnic vendor/planner has. Only then will they give us a chance to show what we can do. Racism will always be an issue. We have a very elegant establishment in a Historic area of the city and the customers we have are very surprised when they come in and see who the owners are. Sometimes they politely make excuses and leave only to never return sometimes. Racism will always be an issue. Yes, continue to post your services and what you’ve done. Those that like it will hire you regardless. There will always be some that do and some that don’t.
Marcia
June 14, 2011
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY?
YOUR NAME
June 14, 2011
This article could have been me, Sad in Tennessee. I have definitely experienced this. I thought about taking my picture down from my site because I knew I would get more inquiries about my business, but decided against it. My work speaks for itself. I’m just as good and if not better than most designers black or white in my area. I decided that I would rather put my hard work, sweat, and lost of sleep for someone who would appreciate my work and someone who looks past my skin color. I’ve decided that if others would look me over because of my race then I will just be the best designer and best kept secret that the black community has here.
Latrice
June 15, 2011
I pondered on what my reply would be because this topic hit home with me while reading but its been a hot button also in the past.
I must say that living in the South it did take me a while to put a picture on my website & also even to not use my middle name (which I am addressed daily & use my first name which could be “labeled” universal). This is solely to “fit in” with my areas wedding industry. However I realized that if I did not claim who & whose I was that I was simply living a lie. I believe that with my previous corporate experience coupled with my wedding industry experience that I can stand tall & confident with those that are “considered” the top in my area.
Yes, I have had potential clients even after seeing my face on my website to book a consultation with me, but after meeting & presenting them with a custom proposal I actually had one potential family to ask me, “Who do you think you are to charge this rate for your services” They were expecting my custom proposal rate to be at a lower rate for a full service planning experience. Sorry? I am in the place now that I know my value & the worth of my company. It was very disheartening & it stung to be honest but I picked myself up & moved on.
What really baffles me is when an African American bride does not even give a African American planner, designer, florist, stationer, etc. a chance due to the “typical stereotypes” of “will this vendor be professional, on time, staffed, etc. That hurts deeper sometimes because we are not even given a chance.
Thanks Preston for starting this dialogue here & I hope that at some point a change will come!!
nikita
June 15, 2011
keep going!!!!
Angela
June 15, 2011
Such an interesting post. She may really need to let her work show forth first, advertise and position herself so that the world can see her capability. Let us face it- people find it easier to deal with any race once they know that they are highly gifted and talented, but before then it is a fight that continues until it is broken.
Filipino
June 15, 2011
One experiences I would like to share:
I’m a Filipino-American that recently started an Events Planning business.
In my early stages, I worked for this one company in NYC in their office and suppose to work all the events that they had put on.
One event that I worked on, I was background help, and not really being seen. The next event they had, I was super enthused to work in, and apparently, they only hired tall white blond, blued eyed guys, they weren’t servers, or anything special, just regular runners to help with the event. I was super upset over this!! but never said anything, I designed many aspects of the event and put in a lot of hours or research, design, calls, and not even ask to be at the event nor attend. I was so hurt that they didn’t even give a reason why they didn’t even ask me to work, when I was calling a list of people to work, some of them said no, and I kept on saying, I can work!!.. and still they would say, oh keep trying to call them.. I just didn’t get it, how in the 2011, discrimination still excited!!
….
I recently started an events planning business, I named it by my first and last name, Filipinos carry Spanish last names, my mom told me to drop it because it’s spanish and people might think I’m hispanic and not hire me!!
I kept it!!
Anonymous
June 15, 2011
I agree with Latrice’s comments! I am an African American Event Planner & Designer in the South who for the past 12 years have struggled with the pros and cons of putting my picture on my website. Over the years too I have had several of those encounters wherein potential clients assumed that I was white but immediately upon meeting mentioned that their parents or family members may be uncomfortable with my race. However, even more disheartening is when African American Brides equate quality and class to having a Caucasian Planner and assume that all African American Planners/Vendors are unprofessional, lacking in knowledge and cutting edge style or not worth their fees…. but have no problems paying even higher fees to any Planner of another race regardless of training and experience. It is almost as if they equate race to exclusivity, quality and worth when these things can’t be generalized across any entire race. They are attributes that should be applied on an individual basis. This really, really cuts deep!!
afcpam
June 16, 2011
Prejudice isn’t limited to race. I am an older woman, so like Marcy said, I have to prove that I can get into their young minds, pull the vision out, and bring it to life. However, I have not had the experiences that many of you have had. This makes me very, very sad. We are all created in God’s image, and he loves each and every one of us. Why can’t we love each other just as we are?
Anonymous
June 16, 2011
Hi Preston
I am a great fan and have been in the event design industry for almost 4 years. I am a young Muslim woman in Malaysia, and I wear a modern headscarf. Malaysia is a multiracial society and our clients are from different races and religions. We have designed church weddings, swept the floors of Churches during the event as well as designed chinese and Indian weddings. We take pride with our work and love it that our clients are from different races and backgrounds.
Initially, in the early years,I was quite tentative and apprehensive meeting clients as they might judged me on my appearance , though my dressing is quite modern.But now not anymore, because I really believe our work speaks for itself. If people are concerned about what you wear or how different you are, than it is not worth your time and energy. I read with interest that you have told her not to be afraid of who you are and hide yourself.Yes, i used to hide my picture but only recently decided to show myself to the world in my blog and website. You are one of the people that I admire because you have overcome many adversities and obstacles to succeed in this business and share so much with us.
Storyboardlife
June 19, 2011
What’s so special about America is that talent and hard work do rise when it’s marketed correctly. Preston, what a great answer to the hard work plus a little understanding to the mentality of the client. People are willing to pay a lot for what they want but what’s different for weddings and other important events…they can’t return them for a refund.
Krystal
July 3, 2011
Haha, shouldn’t you be chgraing for that kind of knowledge?!