Hi, Preston.
I am a huge fan of your advice and blog. So, I figure you are the one to go to with this problem. I have recently had a falling out with a planner who just bugs me to no end. Never mind the fact that I promoted her business a lot, always publicly complimented her work, and was a supportive friend for a few years. Completely positive relationship all the way around, or so I thought.
Well, recently, she told me she could no longer be friends with me and a few other vendors we have all worked with because we also provide services to another planner (her competition, of course), and she felt betrayed that we were “stolen” from her. Apparently, the competition stole text and ideas from the planner I’m referring to for her own website. However, I was under the impression that they had worked that out years ago, so I had completely forgotten about it. I have been the victim of photo thieves myself, and, trust me, I don’t tolerate it. Some of the other vendors that have been dumped as well all agree that it’s better off this way, as we really don’t need her referrals or business anyways. But we’re concerned that her personality in general may lead to her speaking negatively or outright telling untruths about our businesses. Talking smack basically to “get even” with us. And we do know she goes out of her way to refer other vendors of lesser quality and reputation to avoid working with us, which will catch up to her and her own reputation.
What’s your take on this? I’ve never experienced this, and it bugs me. Thank you for your time, Preston. I appreciate just being able to send this to you!
- Bugged Sharon
Dear Sharon,
I feel badly that you’re caught in the middle of this drama. However, there are always two sides to every story. You said this planner had been a friend of yours. But you’ve also been working with one of her competitors. So, as a friend, why didn’t you discuss this with your planner friend? Maybe give her a heads up and ask how she would feel if you started working with this other planner who may have stolen some of your friend’s ideas?
I don’t know all the details of what happened, but I can understand why your friend feels so hurt. You need to realize that planners have to be very territorial about their preferred vendors. These selective vendors are part of every planner’s act, so to speak. In order for planners to deliver the exceptional service they have promised their clients, they need to know that the vendors they use will not only do a great job but will also show certain amount of loyalty towards them. And a big part of loyalty is communication.
If you’re a vendor and you’re getting steady work from a planner, and then a competing planner tries to hire you, you owe it to the planner who you’ve already established a relationship with to let them know what’s going on. And to do so BEFORE you accept a job from that competing planner.
On the other hand, vendors are business owners, too, and you need to make money. I completely understand that. Over the years, I’ve became a bit more relaxed about using vendors that some of my colleagues also use. The only thing I ask is that my vendors sign a confidentially agreement.
My advice to you is to call your planner friend and attempt to talk it out. You might want to start by apologizing for hurting her feelings. Then, let her vent. Give her the opportunity to get her anger off her chest. Sometimes, a honest and straightforward conversation is all you need to diffuse a toxic situation. Never underestimate the value of reaching out, listening and talking together.
Good luck, Sharon. I hope you and your friend are able to work this out.
-PB
Readers, have you ever had a planner turn on you for working with one of her competitors? As a vendor, how do you handle the delicate situation of working with different planners? Do you think planners should only refer one vendor to their clients? Please share.
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George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
teonna
June 28, 2011
Don’t burn a bridge keep all opportunities open .You never know when you will need help or need to help someone else .Don’t create bad carma it will bite you .
teonna
June 28, 2011
Many planners become very teritorial .This not a pleasent experience .Many planners have favorites I think this is fine but you never know if you don’t try others who have great reputations again .I think keeping the door open to many talented artists is the best way to go .
teonna
June 28, 2011
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY?
Birds of a Feather Events
June 28, 2011
As a planner I like to work with many different vendors. Obviously, I have a main set of vendors that I love to work with, but sometimes their style does not fit the client or they are already booked that day. I truly believe that there is plenty of work to go around if you are a good vendor, so why limit yourself to only working with one planner – or florist, baker, caterer – whoever the vendor might be? In this particular situation I would probably be hurt as well if my friend chose to work with a planner who had previously stolen my work. Professionally, that is just unforgivable (stealing intellectual property), and I probably would have felt betrayed as well simply based on that – not the fact that she worked with another planner – but based on who the planner was and what they had done to me previously.
Almost talking to the lawyers!
June 28, 2011
I am a South African Wedding Planner and i always keep in contact with at least three different vendors of the same category for referrals to all my clients, as i believe that because we are all different and have different styles and opinions of what is fabulous. It is impossible for all your clients to get along with just the one vendor you may always refer. Your client comes to you for assistance with sourcing out quality trustworthy vendors and it is my job to provide my clients with options to choose from. Everyone knows, in this industry you are only as good as your last function, so make sure each one is better than the next in all aspects…;-)
Sharon
June 28, 2011
As a planner, I can sympathize with the planner in question who has had a negative experience with the other planner. It’s unfortunate that there is a lot of unethical behavior. Some people fool a lot of people, and unless the vendor has experienced this bad behavior themselves, they tend to overlook it when they hear about it through someone else.
Granted there is always two sides to every story and its admirable to give someone a chance, but I can see why this planner was hurt by the vendor who started working with someone that has treated her poorly. She obviously thought that the vendor and her were friends. The two may be business associates, but I’m not sure I would consider them friends if they can’t have a conversation or if they don’t value each other’s opinion.
A vendor is entitled to work with whomever they choose. Personally, I prefer to work with vendors that have the utmost of integrity and I might question the integrity of a vendor who is working with someone that I know to be dishonest, unethical etc. It’s always my hope that the unethical person’s behavior will be eventually exposed. Sadly, this doesn’t always happen and to some, the business the person brings to them may be reason enough to look the other way.
Julia Hewitt
June 28, 2011
As a planner I definitely have my “go to” team of vendors however, I would not expect any exclusivity from a vendor. They have to make money. I am a boutique company and certainly cannot fill every weekend or day of the year for my vendors. The thing that bothers me about vendor loyalty is when client’s approach your vendors directly or give out my vendor information to a friend or family member.
Angela
June 28, 2011
I always try to keep all relationship with vendors and planners very opened so that drama like the above does not occur. I am however more loyal to those that always have my back and will refer me to other clients.
Elyn Rahman
June 28, 2011
I’ve learned a long time ago that you only work with the best and most trusted vendors in the industry. This will guarantee the overall event is a success with a great ‘team’ atmosphere. There is also no “i” in TEAM! I have a portfolio of trusted vendors in every category and appreciate that my vendors cannot depend on my referrals only to keep their businesses operating successfully. Instead, recognizing that everyone MUST work with other planners besides our company, just makes practical sense. Being territorial doesn’t get business in the door nor does it create harmony in our industry. Working together and realizing also that not everyone can do EVERY event EVERY day of the year is a much healthier attitude in my opinion. Open the door to many great vendors and you open the door to more solid business as well as solidify your reputation.
Jen Neuhart
June 28, 2011
I agree completely with Birds of a Feather Events. As a planner, I don’t work with just one florist or baker or what have you, so why would I expect a vendor to just work with me? Also, I am not the best fit for every bride – none of us are.
It seems that the main problem in Bugged Sharon’s situation is that she was a supportive friend with the planner in question and now the overall attitude of this planner. Loyalties are different when it’s between friends than between colleagues. Of course, honesty and integrity need to be present within both dynamics, but when friendship comes in play, it’s more personal and emotional. The sting is sharper.
But you can’t control the choices and actions others make and do for themselves. All anyone can do is continue providing a high quality product, stay true and honest, and be the best that they can be.
And in the end, who are any of really providing the service to? The other vendor or to the bride?
Jen Neuhart
June 28, 2011
Oops. Misspelled my own name. That should be Jean, not Jen.
Kara Buntin
June 28, 2011
I work with many different planners, and I’ve never had one refuse to work with me because of that. If a planner told me that they couldn’t refer clients to me because I work with other people then I’d tell them that was too bad, but I’m not hired by them, I’m hired by the bride. If they choose not to refer to me that’s fine.
Kim
June 28, 2011
Being territorial will lead to the eventual downfall of the planner who refuses to work with Bugged Sharon and other vendors/suppliers. I don’t believe I know a single vendor of any type who would commit to ONLY working with one planner — that would be a serious financial mistake on the part of any business. You cannot limit yourself to one stream of revenue or referrals. By being territorial and demanding that vendors not work with certain other planners, that particular planner will eventually find herself “blacklisted,” with vendors choosing not to work with her because she is so difficult, unreasonable (regarding a vendor’s right to diversify to stay in business), and demanding.
Business and referrals flow two ways. A planner who mistakenly believes that he/she is at the top of the food chain and should be in control over vendors’ business models will quickly learn that teamwork and an equal, mutually respectful partnership is essential for not only harmony in the industry (as Elyn Rahman mentions) but also for the sake of all businesses operating successfully and providing quality service to joint/mutual clients.
Regarding unethical behavior and business practices in this business — it is an absolute shame when it happens and should not be tolerated. But as they say, “what comes around goes around” and it’s been my experience that anyone operating unethically will eventually be found out and their business will greatly suffer (if it survives at all). Over the past 10+ years, I’ve seen the downfall of three planners (who operated or behaved unethically) in my local area, with only one of those three still in business. The one still in business is barely hanging on, with very few clients and very few vendors/suppliers left willing to work with her. When someone operates unethically, people find out quickly and word gets around.
Halfyard Designs
June 29, 2011
I work with planners that work with other designers all the time. The way I look at it is there are plenty of weddings to go around. I can’t possibly do them all, nor do I even want to. I think competition is what makes us better at doing business, pushing us to limits we didn’t think possible.
I have recently had a similar situation. A planning company used me a fair bit for the last 3 years. This year? Nothing. I have no idea why. So I now have an appointment to talk it over with them. I worded it in a way that I wasn’t desperate for their clients, but I was interested in any constructive criticism they might have for me or any improvements I might make to be considered for their clients again. It’s a fairly reputable company whose weddings, I must admit, are great for my portfolio.