I believe in graciousness and being polite even when others are not, and I come from the school of thought that the client is always right. However, I’m not so sure the same always applies to rude guests, and, sometimes, it takes all of my self-control not to tell a guest to go to hell.
A little more than a year ago, I did a New York City wedding just as the cherry blossoms were at their most stunning. The bride and her family were thrilled with my spring designs and couldn’t have been sweeter or more excited on the day of the wedding. Unfortunately, the maid of honor was a complete nightmare.
While my team and I were installing our design, she called out to me, “Hey, you.” Now, I thought was a pretty rude way of addressing me, but of course I still acknowledged her. She continued, “Are you the florist?” I replied, in a very restrained tone, “Actually, I’m the designer, but, yes, my company did the flowers.”
“Well,” she said, “You should be ashamed of yourself. Some of these flowers are dead.”
What I was thinking by this point was, “Who the hell is this crazy BLEEP BLEEP?” But what I said was, “Madam, please show me the dead flowers. We have many more fresh flowers and more than enough time to make replacements.”
But she still wasn’t satisfied. “That’s not the point,” she went on. “After all of the money you’ve charged my friend, how dare you show up with dead flowers.”
What really irked me about this, is that I’m obsessed with making sure that every flower in my work is perfect. I do everything possible to make sure that my team and I always give 100%, and I was very upset that this maid of honor would accuse me of anything less.
Unfortunately, this woman’s behavior isn’t rare. Here are three tactics to help you deal with rude guests like her:
1. When this woman voiced a problem with my flowers, I immediately replied that my team and I were prepared to fix it. But this wasn’t enough for her. If a rude guest remains unwilling to find a solution and just wants to be angry, at a certain point, you should just walk away. There is only so much you can do.
2. Sometimes, the best strategy is to simply shrug it off. And remember, whoever is being rude to you is probably dealing with his or her own issues. After the wedding, my lovely bride told me that her maid of honor had been a little jealous, because she wasn’t the one getting married. Her friend’s wedding was hard for her, and, unfortunately, she took that out on me.
3. Of course, you can always tell someone what you really think, too! What I truly wanted to say to that maid of honor was, “First of all, my name is not ‘Hey, you.’ Second of all, you are not my client. Get out of my face. I have work to do.”
I pride myself on giving my clients AND their guests flawless service. I was also raised to turn the other cheek. So, I didn’t do #3, but, boy, was I tempted! What would you have done?
Tomorrow is my Dear Preston column, but on Wednesday I’ll share what happened next. You won’t believe it!
Check Out My Facebook Fan Page
PREVIOUS
George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
Cathy O'Connell
July 18, 2011
Great advice! This applies to working with other vendors too – sometimes they are just stressed and come off rudely – but that is no reason for the wedding planner to loose his/her cool! Stay Calm and Carry On! Niceness always wins in the end.
napkinwizard
July 18, 2011
If my explanation is not enough. It’s good to just walk away. Silence is golden for rude person.
Felice Parker
July 18, 2011
I was always taught that there is never an excuse for bad manners! However, should you have encountered such people, jsut kill them with kindness!
Usmab
July 18, 2011
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY?
Usman Mu'Awiya
July 18, 2011
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY?
Adam Radziminski
July 18, 2011
Great advice!
I’d like to add option #4, which is to smile & nod and bottle #3 up inside, and then share the story with your team and let it all out after the event!
Sophia
July 18, 2011
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one this may happen to, so it’s nice to hear that it has happened to you. Will do the best we can but it’s hard to keep my mouth shut. Thank you for showing us how to do it gracefully.
Janny
July 18, 2011
Your actions and responses were above and beyond gracious. It is true, as you said, there may be underlying issues with people who chose to be rude or belligerent. I would have been taken aback but composed myself quickly to resolve the “issue” if in fact there was one. Weddings are very stressful but ultimately a time to be happy about the uniting of two lives.
Bucktown Guy
July 18, 2011
Once a guess of the wedding came up to me and boy did she let it out. She said that I have a better chance cleaning the tables, then designing. He hated everything about the arrangement and told me that she will tell the world on how I stole her friends money. Anyways, I said this is what the bride wants and she said, I don’t think so. So she went to get bride and the bride was shock on how perfect the arrangements turned out. Her friend said “there just baby’s breath in vases?”. The bride said yep! That’s exactly what I wanted. At the end she just came up to me and said sorry.
And now she is my wife!
Usman Mu'Awiya
July 18, 2011
Dear Preston,
Wasn’t quite sure where to ask this question. So here goes hoping that you will read it and if possible help me out. A friend of mines who’s sister is getting married has asked me to organise and design the wedding for her. It is a 3 day celebration starting with the engagement party in October and then the pre wedding party and the wedding day itself in July next year. However the sister contacted me and said she would like me to do the engagement but then wants to go with a different company for her wedding and pre wedding party. I don’t know what to do?!!.. should i go ahead and do the engagement for her or just knock it back?.. please help.
Thank you
Angela
July 18, 2011
I go numb after sometime. I usually wont say anything if someone just keeps go on and on about something i know I did right. Think that is the way i deal with such people.
Harold Abrams
July 18, 2011
Mr. Bailey, First of all — foolish woman for not knowing who YOU are!
You’re correct. Unfortunately, you can’t do #3. I would have most definitely asked her “Who are you?” Then I would have thanked her for pointing out the ‘problem’ and getting out of her way asap. Even though we’re sometimes the boss, on a couple of occasions, I’ve turned a colleague over to someone who was angry. It made them feel like they were speaking to someone on a higher level and it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The fact is, human nature for some is they want to only deal with the top. My partners will say “Absolutely, I’ll make sure it gets done.” That trick has worked nicely on a couple of hairy occasions. When it comes to creativity and production we must factor in a moderate percentage of “calming the nerves.” Can’t wait to read what happened next… Harold
minnie mina
July 18, 2011
i have! this one woman, o god bless her. she made me cry! it took the bride’s mother to shout down the woman, and walked her out of the venue. she made such a fuss about every thing being wrong. i later foundout that she was the bride’s mother’s cousin, that she was really peeved that that her sister didnt hire her catering company, to plan, design and manage the wedding.
Audrey Hu-Gonzalez
July 18, 2011
Very interesting article. It’s sad that it does happen this way. I typically try not to sweat the small stuff and focus on the big picture. My client. Gosh how rude! But smile and walk away. “Serenity now!”
Suzanne M Smith
July 18, 2011
Oh do I relate!
Had a very sweet couple who rdered a wedding cake in their college colors of Burgundy and gold, what arrived looked like a circus tent with topsy turvey crooked layers ( not the whimsical kind) The Grooms mom was freaked out as they had not ordered a topper or flowers for it, and this disaster needed something quick. So as we are exiting the room after a long set up, we were asked to save the day, so a Camo job of floral finery was done at the last moment, reaction, One guest says, with a snotty attitude, Can I Help you? I said No we are done, and she says well it took you long enough, I would NEVER use your services! I just smiled and thought I wouldnt EVER have a date open for you or your event, LOL This gal didnt know that we just whipped up a Lrge amount of design in a few minutes to save the day and allow the couple to NOT have funky photos for the next 50 years! There always has to be an event in our lives that is a No good dead goes unpunished moment. LOL
Erik
July 18, 2011
Great read! I didn’t know you could be such a tough guy Preston! lol. Turn the other cheek. I agree. You can also say to miss hoity-toity “Oh-I got SOO much work to do. It was nice meeting you!” (with extremely large..mm..sarcastic smile). That would really burn her toosh!
Asian Fusion Weddings by Wedding by Wendy
July 19, 2011
Thanks so much for sharing your humaness to be angry as well. I’ve heard you speak and realize that you tell it as it is, and as it should be.
Anna
July 19, 2011
I tell my clients that my sets are close and any comments are to be made after I finished and not during the set up. After 8 years in the business, I realised that the disparaging comments are usually from ppl that are just unhappy, so I either shut them up with extreme kindness and eagerness (if they’re just clueless but thks that they’re helping the bride) or a hard stare (if they’re mean), because for the later, no amount of niceties will stop them from making unwarranted comments behind your back.
Chris
July 19, 2011
Thank you for the tip….. But maybe i would tell her in first place what you did, but if she insists with the actitude maybe i tell her to go and get a husband or thats why you are alone !!! Hahahahah ……. Sorry for my honesty
Wedding Services Gippsland
September 19, 2011
Good Article. Greate Post .. keep it up