WEDDING GUESTS: HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

July 20, 2011

“Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” – Bill Gates

I couldn’t agree more with Mr. Gates on this one. On Monday I shared a story about a happy bride and her very unhappy maid-of-honor who seemed intent on making my job more difficult.

My first instinct was to give the woman a piece of my mind. I thought to myself, “This is nuts. Here I am suggesting a solution to the problem she’s addressing and yet she continues to be extremely rude. I decided I needed to try another tactic and offered to get her something to drink. She angrily replied that she didn’t want a drink, that I better get out of her face and that I owed the bride a refund.

Suddenly, it occurred to me that she might be jealous of the bride. (Later, the bride confirmed my theory!) I realized that she might be feeling invisible and somewhat lost on her friend’s big day. She needed some attention. So, I said, “It sounds like you know a lot about flowers. May I show you the bouquet I made for you?”

Unfortunately but perhaps unsurprisingly, she hated her bouquet, and I spent the next forty-five minutes with her and one of my floral designers redoing it. However, in the process, she also calmed down.

Weddings can be very emotional for not only the bride and groom but also their guests. That day I learned an important lesson: I need to pay attention to both my clients AND their guests. You should always be aware of the dynamic of every wedding you do. What tensions do the families have? Are any members of the bridal party unhappy? How can I make everyone relax and feel good?

And you know what else? This story has a happy ending! Recently, I ran into the maid of honor, and she told me that she is dating someone special now. She said, “The moment I get engaged, I’m calling you!” Well, my first reaction to that was, “Are you kidding me? No way, no how, lady!” But then I remembered Mr Gates’ words. I learned a lot from that woman.

Dear Readers, if you were me, would you do this woman’s wedding? How do you deal with potentially problematic clients?

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http://Frasersrestaurant.com.au Arnya

I think I would have a talk before accepting the job. I believe both the vendor and client have to be able to communicate in a harmonious way otherwise it is not comfortable for anyone. The client needs to have a good experience but so does the vendor. We need to all be able to enjoy our day and work life. I agree that out of every situation there is a learning. Some occasions there is too much learning to handle … As the saying goes know when to hold and when to fold.
http://YOURWEBSITE Miss X

I would have an in depth discussion with the client about what they expect of my service and about how hands on they would like to be in the decision making process. I would casually take detailed notes during this meeting so that they can see my effort to clearly absorb their vision for the big day and for the marriage preparation process. I would then repeat and reiterate my take on what they would like for their wedding and for the wedding preparation process. I would then verbally reflect on whether they would be good clients for me and whether I would be a suitable event designer for them. I would keep the vibe of the meeting very positive and emphasize on the importance of making sure that our client-event designer relationship is a good fit.
http://www.AlphaProsperityManagement.com Courtney Fontenot – Alpha Prosperity Events

I would not do her wedding, period. Some relationships are only tolerable for so long. Although she would probably be very appreciative of the work you do, it would only be a matter of time before her real personality and temperment would come through. I would be more than happy to give her advice and such but I just could not subject myself or my staff to unnecessary abuse.
http://www.LeaveTheDetailsToMe.ca Gayla

First of all, I have to say how impressed I am that you responded to this rude MOH with such respect, grace and gentleness. I have learned that the Biblical Proverb “A gentle answer will calm a persons anger” is usually true… even if it is really hard to give that gentle response when you are really ticked off! However, we are in the service business and yes, how we respond to accusations, challenges, rudeness will reflect on us. Knowing when to draw the line of how much “abuse” we will tolerate is the tricky part. I think it is always important to “take the high road” and be the better person whenever possible. Diffuse the situation. Take ownership of it (even if it isn’t OUR problem) and then deal with it after the fact in whatever manner is appropriate. GREAT post!
http://www.SewardParkTech.com kieffer

Reminds me of a quote “you have to teach people how to treat you” … once they learn it’s all business
http://bridechic.blogspot.com Amy-Jo Tatum/Bride Chic

What would I do? I’d shrug it off with a smile. I was in a similar situation about twenty years back. I had the task of designing six bridesmaid gowns. Five had the body of Grace Kelly give or take a few inches in height and girth. The sixth was considerably shorter and more compact. Whenever she came in for fittings she was rude and bitchy, claiming my designs weren’t flattering. I figured she was verbalizing to me—pretty much a stranger—that of which she could not to the bride. After a discussion with the bride this was confirmed. Overall the experience of dressing those maids collectively was a positive one. Great photos and design heal all wounds.
http://www.facebook.com/BlackBagProductions Kim Moss

Yes I would do it because even though she was the wicked witch, I have no doubt that she bragged about her interaction with you and the whole floral business. The mean ones sometime do what they do for attention as you said and they also feel as if they have to make sure you’re on your toes – basically wanting to see if you’re as good as your client says you are. Clearly you were and are the best to do the job and then over deliver – she will be even more impressed (though I can’t imagine that being possible) that although she was a witch, and I have no doubt she knew she was being one, that she is thankful you are willing to work with her. This may be her backhanded way of apologizing for her rudeness, and if not, its all in how you look at it – keeping a positive attitude is key. Having a talk? Maybe, but you know when someone is jealous they say things out of spite and can’t understand why the bride got the prince and the MOH didn’t. Regardless, make a joke about your first meeting and move on – life short, create the wedding!
http://www.baileysfloral.com Jeanne

Yes, I would do the difficult bridesmaids wedding if asked! Think of it as a challenge, if you can please this woman, then you can please anyone!
I had a difficult Mother of the bride, she actually came in an hour before the delivery time, on the wedding day, and had to hand inspect each and every bouquet, corsag, arrangment. we had to change a ribbon on one thing, and that was it, she tried everything to “push my buttons”, and get me to explode on her or be rude, but I knew that was what this type of person thrives on. So, I just smiled, gritted my teeth and did whatever she asked and tried to make her feel important.
After that wedding, felt so much better about myself as a florist! I feel I can take on just about anybody now. I spent months dealing with this difficult wedding, it makes you appreciate the easy ones so much more!