Dear Preston: Am I Being Unreasonable?

May 24, 2012

Dear Preston,

As a planner, I try very diligently to manage my clients’ expectations, and I have set rules when it comes to working with my vendors. One such rule is that none of my vendors are allowed to contact my clients directly without my knowledge. All of my vendors know this.

However, the florist I hired for an event I’m currently working on, recently took it upon herself to call my client directly. Why? Because she wanted to invite my client out to dinner — without me. When I told this florist that her behavior was unacceptable, she was indignate and thought I was being unreasonable.

My first instinct was to get rid of her and never hire her again. My second instinct was to write to you. Am I being unreasonable?

Sincerely,
A Fuming Planner

Dear Fuming,

You have every right to be upset, especially because you say that you are very clear with vendors about your rules of client contact. Clearly, this florist has stepped outside her boundaries.

However, as a florist and designer, I must admit that I’ve been in a similar situation. A planner once brought me a wonderful client. This client and I clicked immediately. So much so, that the client started calling me directly just to say hello. Naturally, she and I started chatting about her upcoming wedding and pricing, etc… This all made the planner so angry that she and I never worked together again.

It’s important that we all understand that any wedding or event is a huge collaboration among many vendors. The only way an event can be successful is when everyone embraces the same goal: to do the best job we can.

The bottom line is that there is no escaping that, sometimes, clients are going to favor some vendors more than others. I understand your rules; however, just maybe, you might want to consider been a bit more flexible and a bit less controlling.

Good luck.

Dear Readers, when a planner hires you, do you feel you have the right to call the client without the planner’s knowledge? What do you think of this planner’s rules?

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http://WeddingsByJess Jessica

Dear Preston,
I have a client who is trying to have a Cinderella wedding on a stepsister budget..lol..
How can I get her to scale down her options thats within her budget without seeing as if “I” dont think she can afford it? (which she can’t) Do i give her the options and let go go into a heavy debt?
http://www.AlphaProsperity.com Courtney Fontenot – Alpha Prosperity Events

As a planner myself, I feel that the bride has the right to contact anyone that she has signed a contract with, if she so chooses. I would not feel right preventing a a bride from speaking with a vendor that she has a contract with. I would ask to be kept in the loop about any conversations or such pertaining to the wedding activities. Now, if the bride has signed a contract with me and I selected the vendor, then the vendor has a contract with me and should therefore follow my wishes. Just my thoughts.
http://Www.dazzlepartyproductions.com Alina

Dear Preston, I understand why the planner is fuming. She has been working with her client and introduced this client to the florist. All of a sudden this florist wants to become “friends” with her client. It seems to me that the planner may feel that she is loosing control by her client and florist forming this relationship. She may feel jealous and insecure. It’s like having two friends of yours from different parts of your life meet, hit it off and become instant friends making you feel left out. It feels bad. Also, the planner may feel that the florist will steal business away from her. Many florists are planners as well. She may have something to worry about. I get why she’s on edge. What she can do about it is to do the best job she can for her client. Also, she can invite her client out to dinner if she wants to or even invite herself to their dinner and make it a threesome. Don’t cause any issues with the florist until the event is over. Make sure this client’s event is amazing. And the next time, choose a different florist to work with if her feelings are still hurt.
http://www.lakegastonflowers.com Terri

To me it would depend on the way the planner has their contracts with the vendors. If the planner is collecting money from the bride and then hiring vendors on her behalf and paying the vendors then the contract is between the planner and the vendor and there should be no contact with the bride. If the bride is paying the vendors directly then the vendors have every right to speak to the bride. I have done many weddings where I have had NO contact with the bride just the planner and it works out smoothly! If there is a problem then it is the planners job to work it out.
http://www.coordinatelyyours.com Julie Blanner

As a seasoned wedding planner, I feel the vendor shouldn’t have contacted the client, but that the client always has the right to contact their vendors. It was disrespectful to her clear policy, likely put into effect to streamline the planning process for both planner, bride and vendor. When the lines of communication are mixed, they often result in confusing and uncommunicated changes that may effect additional vendors, rentals, etc that that vendor may not have recognized. Bottom line, the planner should professionally contact the vendor to explain. Communication almost always solves everything!
http://www.silvercharmevents.com Liz Coopersmith

It’s tricky. I don’t know what this planner’s reasons are for forbidding vendors from contacting clients. If I had to guess, it’s because it helps, logistics-wise, to only have one voice coming in and one coming out – the planner’s. It’s one of the things that they pay me for, to take care of that. In the few instances where I’ve had vendors contact clients, it’s added another level of confirming what’s been agreed on, and making it work, but that’s part of my job, too. I don’t think you get anywhere by ordering vendors to not contact clients. It alienates everyone and makes them wonder what you’re so worried about.
http://www.platinumfloraldesigns.com Tina

Being a florist – I LOVE direct contact with my clients – this way I get 1st hand information and often times the end result is better – no mis-communciation – OR I can make recommendations to the bride to enhance her theme that planners often over look. However, usually if a planners asks me to contact only her – I do so – but usually in the end there are so many questions – they pass the bride right on to me – and that rocks. If the planner does not want me to discuss prices because they are working off commissions – I dont. But please, let everyone meet and greet everyone – The end result is often way better for everyone
http://www.veronicamartell.com Veronica Martell Entertainment

Dear Preston,
In this case I would have to say the planner might be right. Since she made the formal introduction of the client and florist, the vendor is somewhat overstepping their boundaries – especially since she specifically laid out her rules for contacting the client directly. Most planners I work with have me sign my contract with them and not the end client, so technically I work for the planner and it would be unacceptable for me to contact the client directly.
Conversely, if the client and vendor already had a relationship prior to the planner’s recomendation, I wouldn’t consider this unreasonable. And every vendor should always know not to discuss pricing with an end client when a planner is involved – it’s just bad business for everyone.
http://www.silverleafevent.com Navjot Kaur

It is all about creating mutual trust and work as a team. No two human beings are going to think alike. Difference in opinion is what makes this world a unique place to work.However, I feel that Planner is being honest and if florist wanted to meet with the client to discuss anything then planner should have been involved. Unless the florist is in a situation where client is calling them directly. Again,keeping the communication channels open is the right thing to do and clarifying the issues that are not included in vendor’s contract so that it does not repeat again.
http://www.thingsfestive.com Shar

If a planner explicitly requests that vendors not contact their clients directly, then that should be respected. What’s the point of having a planner if you’re going to work directly with the vendors yourself?
http://www.jwarddesignstudio.com Jennifer

I currently work with a planner and she always brings her brides to my studio to meet me for a stationery consultation. I send all proofs to the brides but cc the planner and the planner and I work out any kinks. We previously worked together on a bride’s stationery with this routine. Well, about halfway through the planning process, after I’d already purchased the paper and began designing the invitations, the bride calls ME and tells me that she’s fired the planner! She said that she was just going to work with the vendors because she had become so frustrated with the planner. I can’t tell you how awkward I felt! The planner calls me and tells me NOT to give the bride her deposit back, which was a non-issue because my services are non refundable. I tried to assure the bride that the coordinator was going to do a great job, but her mind was made up. I really didn’t know how to handle the situation. I completed the job for the bride and fortunately, the coordinator and I still work together on many weddings.
http://www.ninephotography.com Nine Photography | Dallas Wedding Photographers

I have gone out to dinner with our clients and never thought twice about telling the wedding planner. I don’t think a vendor doing that is a big deal.
http://www.sandrasflowerstidio.co.uk sandra picksley

I’m with Tina on this. Meeting a bride and being able to communicate first hand always brings out the best results, all the little details that can be overlooked can be discussed. Planners are only just getting popular here and I would feel uncomfortable not speaking to the bride at all.
http://www.hollymatrimony.ca Holly Matrimony Weddings

I don’t make it a rule but I do feel it is easier to have all communication go through one person so there isn’t triple the work (partner A, B and the planner) when responding to questions. I don’t restrict any contact until 14-30 days before the wedding once we have had our final meeting. This allows me to introduce myself to each vendor (who will work with me to create a fantastic wedding) and get them used to discussing anything that comes up with me, because on the day, the couple isn’t to be bothered. I find it works well so far!
http://www.sandraproject.com sandra

Hai …..
Me myself is a wedding package designer as well.

I arrange vendors for a wedding event according to my clients need. All vendors of mine always inform me when my client tried to reach them without my knowledge, we discuss the respond for this client. Sometimes when it require their skill in detail then i allow my vendors to handle the client themself and after tht they inform me the final result, because I am the one who arrange over all aspect for tht wedding event.

According to business etiquette, what your vendor did was out of line, she wisely ought to know this gentlemen agreement general rules between wedding players. Especially when you are the one who bring her the business. What make her even worse that she didnt inform you at all about the dinner. Your action to told her about these things was right. She should take that smooth and calmly instead of said tht you are being unreasonable.

My suggestion is …. think clearly before you delete her from your list, put your emotional feeling aside and see the possibility whether there will be better understanding between you two in future cs you might missed some steps as well. But if it is the matter of her bad behavior …. you have every right to delete her from your vendor list. Have a strong heart and good luck ya …..

Warm regards,
Sandra
http://www.eventswithexcellence.com Nishaka

Very interesting blog. As a Planner, I create a team environment between my preferred vendors and the client. Though I drive the relationship and activities. Each Client is different. I have Clients who prefer for all communication to be driven through me. I have some Clients who would like to be copied on specific communication with the vendor. I flow according to the preference of the Clients.. With that said, I do prefer to be copied on all communication from my vendors to the Client. My experience in the past has shown me that when I am not in the loop of a conversation, information and understanding gets missed. Then I have to figure out what was said, who said what, and where to do we go from there. My preference for being apart of all communication is to make sure there is no misunderstandings between the Vendor and the Client. Managing the relationships of both is extremely important to me.

I have not had one of my preferred vendors hang out with my Clients before. I have worked with Clients for example who decided they wanted to use their friend who is a DJ for their Wedding. Naturally there is a pre-established relationship in that case. Other than that, I have not experienced my preferred vendors spending outside person time with one of my Clients.