Dear Preston,
I’m a wedding planner, and I live in an area that has become a hot spot for destination weddings. I’m also a single mom. When I have to work, my mom usually babysits my kids. However, recently, my mom came down with a bad flu. I had an afternoon wedding and couldn’t find anyone else to watch my kids. Since I had no other choice, I brought my kids with me to the wedding. Big mistake.
The bride and groom caught sight of my kids and got very upset. They told me they hadn’t traveled all this way for their intimate wedding only to have some strange kids there. Not to mention that they were paying me to work — not hang out with my children.
But, Preston, what kind of people don’t like kids? Besides, it’s not as if my kids were running all over the place; my clients only caught sight of them once briefly. I tried to explain this, but my clients were still very angry.
What should I have done?
Sincerely,
Single Mom
Dear Single Mom,
I must begin by congratulating you on your success! Most people have no idea how incredibly time consuming the wedding and event business is. And I’ve often wondered how vendors with children manage it all.
One of my frequent freelance vendors has an adorable little boy, and I always encourage her to bring him with her to work. My assistants and I love having a good excuse to take some fun play breaks!
As for your recent experience, you took a chance by bringing your children to work with you unexpectedly, and your clients had every right to voice their discontent.
It might have helped if you had called your clients as soon as you realized you were going to have to bring your kids. They would have appreciated the heads up and might have reacted better with that advance notice. You also would have had the chance to explain the circumstances.
The bottom line is that you are running a wedding planning business — not a day care center. Now, obviously, sometimes these situations arise, but when they do, you need to consider your clients: you should always do everything you can to minimize client inconvenience, and that starts with being honest and open.
Obviously, what’s done is done. Apologize profusely to your bride and groom. Then, move on.
Dear Readers, am I being too harsh with Single Mom? If so, what’s a better solution? Do you think this bride and groom reacted appropriately? Please share your thoughts.
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George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
YOUR NAME
May 29, 2012
Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles.
Navjot Kaur
May 29, 2012
Very insightful as always.
Patricia Simitakos The Eco Conscious Planner
May 29, 2012
Well said, Preston. We may be planners, but our first obligation is to Customer Service. I empathise with Single Mom, but you are right – A business is a business, and The Client is the one that pays you. Perhaps if she had informed them in advance, they might have known someone that could have babysat for the duration of the event? Or, as you mentioned, perhaps one of her vendors might have a teenager or someone that could have filled in last minute? You never know.
I, personally, do not have kids – however I do have about 10 phone numbers of local teens that can fill in a bind, and need last minute general help in any way.
Lynn
May 29, 2012
As a mother myself, it is hard. I recently had a wedding, and my childcare backed out just a couple of days before the event. I was in a panic. Fortunately, I had enough time to find someone, although it was very difficult. But I did imagine in my head, “What do I do if I can’t find someone?” And my client had actually met and liked my little girl. I doubt there would have been much of an issue, but to me, it wouldn’t have been acceptable. I was imagining having to do her event, AND offer her a refund. It’s definitely rough, being a mother in this business. But you always have to imagine your client’s opinion. To say, “Who doesn’t like children?” is a bit arrogant. There are plenty of people who don’t, and sometimes rightly so. It doesn’t matter if your child is an angel dipped in marshmallow gilded with gold. It’s their wedding, and they have a right to say who gets to be there. It would be common courtesy to apologize profusely, and offer a discount for your client having to share you with your kids during a time where they were supposed to be the sole focus. It’s just part of the job.
Talia
May 29, 2012
I don’t think you are being too harsh. I am a mommy with two sweet kids and for the most part we (my hubby and I) are blessed with people to take care of our kids for us when we work. Because planning weddings and events is many times a lengthy process, our clients generally get to know us very well and fall in love with the idea of our children. I have had clients say “bring them!” And I am like “are you kidding me?” I am WORKING! And to not have them in my hair is the BEST thing when I am in planner mode. However, I do totally understand single mom’s position and feel badly for her. I think the advice you gave was spot on. I believe moving forward maybe she should have a reputable back up professional baby sitting service so that when issues like this arise she is not hung out to dry. God bless her.
Talia
Eve
May 29, 2012
Great post, and I feel for this planner. It is hard to be a single parent, raising kids and earning a living and growing a business. Yet, as a planner and a mother of three kids all I can say- weddings and kids don’t mix. Yes it’s hard, yes we all have personal lives, and yes s**_ happens, but our clines deserve a great wedding day. This is the day in their lives they will treasure forever. It’s their fairy tale. Couples (usually) don’t have kids yet so let them enjoy their freedom from all things domestic, parental and reality. They are paying us to make their fairy tale come true for that day.
I have open day policy for kids during meetings, suppliers are most welcome to bring their kids when we style shoots, have brainstorming session, but a wedding day is not a dress rehearsal. We have ONE day to make it all work – perfectly.
My kids are raised understanding what I do, respecting the nature of my business. It is life. Creating a support structure is imparative. Have 3 baby sitters on call, make friends with other moms, people will be willing to help when they understand your circumstances. Wedding planners work hard, long hours are staple but on the flip side we are the moms who get to pick up their kids from school, take them to extra murals, do their home work and our kids projects AND parties always rock!
Eve
May 29, 2012
and I don’t mean do their homework for them, rather do homework with them
Probably whilst we are planning next awesome wedding!
Stephanie Wales
May 29, 2012
Preston you touch on so many relevant issues in this industry I truly enjoy your posts.
That being said, I can think of nothing more unprofessional than bringing your kids to work. Seriously? I’ve got a 5 year old and am 8 months pregnant with my 2nd, and I’m still working (I’m a photographer).
Not once in my business have I ever “played the kid card” and nor wil I ever “play the pregnancy card.”
I just find that incredibly unprofessional. I pay good money for a reliable sitter when our family is not available. If you’ve got an unreliable sitter find a better one.
I recently had a conversation w/another Photographer that was going to bring her kids to a shoot just to show her Clients how much they were inconvienecing her with their scheduling requests. I was flabbergasted.
Your either servicing your Clients or yourself; which is it?
My photography business is not about me: it is based 100% on Client care and over-the- top hand holding service. That’s what people pay for.
Jolie
May 29, 2012
In order to be successful in life you ALWAYS need a backup plan whether it be for your job as a full-time Mom or your job as a full-time business owner. I’m sure their is a young person in her community that would embrace the opportunity to work for her on a part-time or as-needed basis. She would be a personal assistant. It would need to be clear that may include help with her website, email marketing, or babysitting. This would help her business and I’m sure her Mom would feel less taken for granted and more valued. I think your words of advice were tactful and kind.
Gloria
May 29, 2012
I urge you to investigate and arrange alternative child care arrangements that can be accessed in emergency situations. It’s worth the investment and can only benefit your children, your mother and give you real piece of mind when you’re working.
No one hates your kids. I don’t doubt your dedication but unfortunately often the optics of what you do are as important as the work itself. Weddings are especially emotional, as you know. If your attention seems divided or distracted from the wedding, your clients can feel emotional slighted as well.
Kornelia Rybitwa
May 29, 2012
Well one obvious question, “But, Preston, what kind of people don’t like kids?”… um really? MANY. Including myself. Cute when they’re related to hang out for a few hours but at a wedding, to me and many others, a no no. I hated every wedding I have been to where kids attended. If the bride and groom wanted kids they would have already had them, but like me, until we’re married in a stable relationship and situation we don’t even think about it. So Preston, you are right.. call and tell the bride, I would have said take an hour longer to find them a babysitter (neighbor or what not). Considering I would be livid to see my planner’s kids there, especially since my invites will say adults only.
Gregg Hollmann
May 29, 2012
My wife is currently on a 3 week overseas vacation, and I am quickly appreciating the rigors that single parents face, scrambling to find late night babysitters for my two sons during the heat of wedding season for my DJ business. Fortunately, I found an empathetic single dad in my neighborhood who has been very generous in watching my sons.
Bringing them to a planning meeting or event is not something that I would consider, unless an absolute emergency… and if I had to do this, I would reach out to the client in advance.
kennady
June 2, 2012
Thanks for sharing the information about the DEAR PRESTON. The wedding planner information are very good and the experience will be helpful for the wedding planner and other engaged people. One of my friend is planning his wedding with help of wedding planner iPhone app to save the more money.
kimberly Sevilla
June 14, 2012
I have two small children and sometimes bring them to work in our studio but only for 1/2 hour or so.
My daughter, who is 4.5 sometimes goes with me to drop off personal flowers because she loves to meet the brides.
I had to bring her to a setup once but I made sure that I had a helper who’s job it was to take care of her while I worked. The client was not present but the Job Captain from the catering company did make a comment about children. She stayed out of the way and I was focused on the job at hand.
My clients seem to enjoy seeing her (briefly) and she always showers them with compliments so it works for us.
I would never, however, bring them into a situation where I needed to be focused 100% on a clients needs though.