Dear Preston,
I read your blog religiously and would love your advice. Three weeks ago, I married a wonderful man in front of just shy of 100 guests. I paid a wedding coordinator to assist me for a month. Though she was excellent some ways, her organizational skills left much to be desired. My guests all say it was ‘the best wedding ever” –and I feel blessed to have had the beautiful wedding I did– but I also paid a large fee to ensure that my cakes would be the ones I asked for, there would not be vehicles parked in lots I was promised would be empty and there would be someone who would make sure that my requests were addressed in a timely manner (my planner went missing for 2 hours the morning of the wedding). She didn’t even make sure the tips were given!
Since my wedding, I have had to chase my planner and vendors (paying tips along the way). I am very disappointed that she has not reached out to discuss the mishaps. Am I expecting too much? On the one hand, I am blessed to have had a beautiful wedding but on the other, I paid very good money and spent a lot of time planning my wedding. My expectations were not met and I am feeling a little torn. Can you help?
Respectfully,
Mrs. AR
Dear Mrs AR:
First, I would like to thank you so much for reading my blog. Secondly, I appreciate the fact that you took the time to write to me and share your grievances. Clearly, there are more than just a few issues that you felt were not addressed properly and I am glad you were able to use this forum to get them off of your chest.
Being in the service industry, I have also had my fair share of unhappy brides. I can assure you, it’s always very upsetting on both sides. The bride feels her expectations were not met and the planner feels he or she failed their client, either by way of planning and design or in simply not managing expectations properly. I suspect that your planner is hesitant in calling you because she knows that you are not happy. I confess that there have been times when I, myself, could not find the courage to pick up the phone to call an unhappy client until months later.
That said, here are my suggestions for dealing with the situation:
I. Take some time to write a clear and respectful email to your planner in which you share the things you liked and did not like about her services. Make sure to be clear as possible and let her know how you feel. Hopefully, she will have the courage to apologize for not meeting your expectations.
II. Without knowing all of the details, it’s hard to say where things went wrong, so to speak. Did the planner have at least two additional people on staff? I ask because it seems there were a lot of details which is often a challenge for one person to handle. One of the biggest mistakes planners make is not hiring and charging for additional staff the day of the event. They forget that they cannot be in more than one place at a time.
III. Now, this one is the most important. After you write or talk to the planner, I want you to move on and remember your wedding day as your guests did. From what you have told me, they claim it was “the best wedding ever” and you deserve that memory, too. Yes, you paid for services and feel that your expectations were not met, and that’s important to address, but you also married someone you want to spend the rest of your life with in front of your closest family and friends and that is what I want you to remember.
Fondly,
Preston
Question:
What do you advise this unhappy bride to do? Should she reach out to the planner or wait for the planner to call?
As a planner, do you always make sure that you have enough help for you to execute a job properly? Do you charge for that additional help?
(Photo Courtesy of The Vintage Glassies)
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George Bernard Shaw once said: “You see things and say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” That quote embodies how Preston Bailey approaches every event.
julia Hewitt
July 24, 2012
I think you answered this bride well. The thing I have the hardest time digesting is the whole month of- It takes a lot longer for a planner than 1 month to help a bride plan their wedding, even the most organized brides. I think the whole day of/month of planning category should be thrown out with the bath water. I provide additional staff that I pay to show up and work the day of and I can honestly say that people are confused as to why we need them A lot of planners bring in unpaid interns- who have never worked before and can’t be left to handle or deal with situations without being helped, guided or coached. I would love to know what this bride thinks is a lot of money- as some think that as a planner we should only make $500 because they did all the work, when in reality a day of or month of planner is busy troubleshooting all the stuff the bride didn’t necessarily do well.
Gloria
July 24, 2012
Beside the nonpayment of tips on the schedule the bride expected her, I’m not clear on what her complaints actually are?
Is it that someone was parked in her parking lot? Were the cakes wrong? Was a schedule agreed to or did the bride simply think that her planner would be there to take her requests 24/7? Or is it that the bride simply doesn’t value or understand the service provided? Could an unorganized planner really have delivered a beautiful wedding? And ALL of her vendors were a disappointment too?
Mrs. AR
July 24, 2012
As the bride in question, first of all I have to THANK Preston Bailey for responding to my situation. I hired an excellent coordinator at her going rate for “Month Of Services” plus additional cost for design input which I used to have her edit my ideas during the planning process and approve my printed design.
She had 2 experienced assistants wearing headsets on hand.
My original email to the PB Blog has been edited significantly, obviously for ease of reading and responding. And I am very moved by Preston’s response. I do have to address it and to move on and pack only my happy memories to go with me. Wonderful advice.
It is certainly the easiest response to blame the bride for hiring the coordinator and choosing the package she could afford. Or to assume that I hired a disorganized coordinator (a multi Bride’s Choice award winner, including for this year), or that my expectations are unreasonable. She was hired 7 months in advance and while I did the planning, and I did it excellently well, she was privvy to all the information for all that time.
So that is my question. IS it unreasonable? To think that with her skills and awards, she would contact me as soon as she arrived on site and I’d already been there an hour – instead of 2 hours later?
Is it unreasonable that having requested for months from the venue and her, ‘no cars adjacent to my arch’ I expect to receive that? Rather than cars in my wedding photos?
Is it unreasonable to place one program on each chair, as requested, since I took the time and money to design and print them? 96 guests. That’s a lot for one usher and our videos show guests straining to share programs.
She did indeed, help distribute some tips but it would’ve been nice to know the florist wasn’t tipped right away. Is it unreasonable to expect her to call me to follow up afterwards and talk about it? She stated she would follow up, and I wouldn’t expect her to drop everything to do it. I would still recommend her work to my friends. But I personally ‘am’ disappointed in elements that were carefully planned and not seen through.
I plan on writing the email Preston Bailey suggests, and I appreciate his wise and kind guidance, then I will leave this behind as he instructs!
I hope this clarifies for his readers.
A loyal fan and a Bride
-AR
Nishaka
July 24, 2012
Thanks for sharing this Blog Preston. I wanted to share some thoughts that I have in response to the blog and Bride.
Normally, I arrive before the Bride to greet her along with handling any onsite details and set up. This is just my own personal practice.
The cars being parked adjacent to the arch. In the walk through with the venue, that probably should have been communicated again to the venue and re-stated again upon arrival to the venue on the day of the venue. They could have placed a parking attendant in that area to direct parking traffic. Each wedding brings a different element and takes a lot of thought from the logistics of arrival to departure.
Programs in every chair just should have happen. Not sure what happened on that one. If there were hostess, the communication could have been given to them to place them in each chair.
Post follow up: I normally do that about 2 weeks after the wedding. Give the couple time to enjoy their honeymoon and to get back home to get settled in.
Over the years, each event reveals at least one new thing or task to consider. Every event has its own special details and different needs. Though there are general aspects that are similar for each event, there are many details that can be different that will require a new strategy. These are best practices that we as Planners have to always remember. Our checklist have to be revised per event.
As another note, I have offered Month of Coordination and a couple months ago I decided to no longer offer it. I’ve found that I can best service my Clients working with them during the entire process versus on the latter part of the event. I like to be part of the vision planning, determining vendors, being apart of meetings, designing the ideas, and thinking through all the details such as the above items that have been discussed in this blog.
I think she should reach out to the Planner and share the areas of the concerns. As a Planner, I want every Client to have a great experience. If I missed something, I would like to be aware of that to at least apologize and make sure it’s something that does not repeat ever again.
Thanks again for sharing!
Sileola
July 24, 2012
Congratulations on your wedding. I think the best thing to do is to communicate with your planner. Let her know the things you loved and let her know the things you did not like so much. In the end I will hope that she will be willing to apologize for the things you had problems with and you and her are able to communicate on a good note. In the end like Mr. Bailey said it seems like your wedding was amazing and I hope that is the memory that stays longer with you.
Ricardo Rivera
July 25, 2012
I agree with Preston that the most important thing is that the wedding was the best wedding ever, and should contact the planner to tell her how much she appreciate everything she did for her wedding, even though she was expecting something that did not receive.
As a planner, I always make sure to have more help than what I think I will need, and when I charge my fee I already know how many people I will need and charge for them.