Dear Preston: My Client Rejected Me

July 31, 2012

Dear Preston:

I am a planner located in the Midwest. Last year, I did a wedding for a very influential client. It was a complex job that I feel was executed perfectly. At the time, I received a telephone call from the bride who thanked me for my hard work. After a year of no contact, I received a call from the mother of the bride who mentioned that her other daughter was getting married. She was interested in getting the number of the florist as she wanted to use them again. I was a little upset that she was interested in using my florist and not me. This has resulted in many nights where I have stayed up and wondered what I had done wrong. What do you advise me to do?

Rejected Planner

Dear R P,

While I can empathize with your taking this situation personally, it’s not as simple as it sounds. Yes, I have been asked to come back and do the weddings of family members close to my clients, but I have also been exactly where you are. What I chose to do in these circumstances was to pick up the phone myself and have a gentle conversation with my clients. I told them how much I valued and appreciated them and asked if there was anything I could have done differently. I also asked them why they chose to use another person.

Here are a few answers I have received over the years:

- The other family member has a planner they would like to use.

- I did a great job but the new bride wants someone/something different.

- They felt I was a big disappointment. This is the most dreaded response.

While the last one is never easy to hear, I try to see it as an opportunity to learn why they were disappointed.

I encourage you to reach out to them. I would love to hear their response!

Hang in there,

Preston

Question: Should this planner leave well enough alone or call the client?

Do you think it is a sign of disloyalty or disrespect for the clients to use another vendor and ask for the florist?

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http://www.damionhamilton.com Damion Hamilton

Dear Preston,
I just want to say that your answers are the picture of how all businesses should operate. You responded with humility, integrity and showed you were still “Teachable” even in your vast experience. Thank you for being a great model in the industry!
http://www.damionhamilton.com Damion Hamilton

To answer your questions:

I would indeed call the client as it would be a great learning opportunity. But as you mentioned, I had better be willing to have a truthful conversation and ready to except rejection on the spot.

I do not think it is disloyal or disrespectful to use another vendor and ask for the florist. We are a service industry, I am happy to refer my incredible vendors even if the client doesn’t choose me.
http://web.me.com/annegriggs Anne Griggs, Floral and Event Design

I know exactly how you feel. I just had a past client call for us to do an event. I drove to a venue six hours away, for the client to wait four months and then tells me that they have decided to go with a different person. It is very hard not to take this personaly and not to be angry.
http://www.number1eventplanner.com Shaun

Always Always Always ask the client why they didn’t/won’t hire you. The feedback they give will help you exceed your next prospect’s expectations.
https://www.google.com/profiles/113917502220316457754 Linda

These are all great responses. I would like to add one additional possibility…. affordability. In today’s economy everyone is cutting back and must pick and choose where they spend their money. While the client may truly want to use your services again, they can’t. I take it as a compliment if they are asking for my vendors and view it as they wouldn’t be asking if they really didn’t value the work they did. I would still ask the question in a very polite way, but always realize that this may be a sensitive area they are not willing to reveal as the real reason behind the inquire.
http://www.appointedharmony.com Appointed Harmony Events

I do feel that it is wise to contact the client and I would give her the vendors contact information. I always beleive that what is for me is for me. I dare not block the blessing of someone else for my own personal gain or advantage. It could be a number of reasons why they are not using your services at this time. It is not to say that they will not use you again. By releasing the information, I beleive it shows character that is not to often displayed in this industry. Everyone is kinda out to get theirs, but by being a blessing to someone else, yours will come around soon.

Be Blessed and Productive.